The Long Game (Joshaya)

Everything

Song of the Chapter: Everything I Didn't Say by 5 Seconds of Summer (Casting Quarters Acoustic Cover by David Batt)

* Josh's POV *

After seeing Maya, I couldn't remember the rest of the night. It felt like sleepwalking, and all I could hear was Maya's voice. I could barely make out her words, but the sound of her voice was soothing, like waves crashing on the beach. It was enough to keep me at ease and to stop freaking out about what the Matthews would think of me. When her voice began to fade away, I assumed I had fell asleep. After what only seemed like a short moment of silence, I hear Maya's voice again. I tried to wake up, but for some reason I couldn't. It felt as if I was chasing her voice, but I was always never close enough. I tried yelling at her to stop and too slow down, but it seemed as if her voice was running away from me.

Josh, please were the first words I could make out from her voice.

Wait, no stop was all I could remember saying to her. But no matter how many times I said it, her voice would grow fainter every time I tried to reach out to it.

Wake up, wake up I say to myself. Finally, my eyes snap open and I sit up to make sure I've woken up. The overwhelming feeling of not being able to wake up and not being able to reach her scared me. For some unknown reason, I began to sob uncontrollably. I covered my face with my hands so I could hide my shame from Maya, who was sitting on the bed next to me with tears falling down her face. 

She was there, trying to wake me up. She cared. I wasn't worthy of her. Not after everything I've done these past years. Next thing I feel is her arms around me, holding me close to her.

"Shh, it's ok," she says as she strokes my hair like a mother would to her child. "It was a dream. You're here with me. It's Maya."

Why did she care about me? If only she knew the things that I've done, she'd turn away from me in a second. I'm not good for her and I'll probably hurt her, which is something I would never be able to live with. I couldn't do it again. I try to think of something to say to her, to let her know that I'm not good enough for her. After everything Cory has told me that she's done throughout high school, I went in the opposite direction. I would only drag her down, and you know what they say. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, then it never really was.

"Maya, I'm sorry."

She pulls away from me, but keeps her arms around my neck. "For what?" Tears continue to fall down her face, and I feel that I've already begun to hurt her.

"Everything."

She stares at me for a couple seconds, then drops her arms to her side and walks back to her window. I notice a sketch pad with what I assume is doodles of California and in the middle, drawings of skyscrapers. As I watch her walk away, I remember my dream, every aching second. She was walking away from me, and I wasn't able to catch her.

"Wait," I whisper to her. She stops in her tracks and turns around. "Can you stay with me?"

She looks at me with a questioning and tired look on her face as she walks over the the bed. She slowly gets under the covers and moves around to make herself comfortable. Then, she places her head on my chest, something I never thought would happen. Especially from a girl like Maya. I begin to feel her pull away, so I put my arm around her waist, keeping her next to me. My head was telling me not to, but it was like a reflex and I couldn't stop myself. 

I needed to know she was there next to me.

My hand lands on a part of her torso that was no longer covered with her sweatshirt. Her skin was smooth and cold like porcelain. And that's what Maya was. Beautiful, stunning, created under pressure and heat. But one small slip, and she could break into a million pieces. It would take a long time to put her back together.