Was it Worth it?

Two

They say you really fall in love when you hold your baby for the first time. I don't believe that because I was already in love. 

Looking back over my life, I never would of thought I would be married with 4 kids before I was 27. The way my life turned out I'm glad I was able to become close and stay close with one person. 

After the passing of my sister and then my mom, I was cool with people but I wasn't as close to them as I was before. Then I met Riz and he broke that guard and now I have a family. Well sort of my life isn't perfect and I wish a couple of the missing pieces to the puzzles would be found. 

I thought my life changed when my family passed along. Then I thought my life changed when Riz and his family came into my life. I also thought my life changed when Q became our child and lastly when I had Jaze. But I was completely wrong. Now at 26 I am married and am preparing to welcome two boys into my life soon enough. The only thing is their father still doesn't know. 

Today I'm about 4 months and having twin boys. I tried to find the time to tell him but he doesn't want to talk or listen to me at all. He has been gone for about a week and I found out today that it's twins and boys. 

I placed the sonogram on his bed and I closed his room door. I walked down to the kitchen to make dinner. My two sunshines were down for their afternoon nap and he was in the shower. I tried my best to focus on not burning the food. 

Just as I was placing the yams and chicken in the oven I heard footsteps. I counted to ten and was about to turn around but felt hands around my stomach. I knew it was him and he started rubbing my belly. He moved closer and just held me. 

I missed his touch and being near him. I tried to get out of his grasp but he wasn't having it. He turned me around and we looked at each other. He turned everything down low and placed me on the counter.

"This is what you been trying to tell me?"

I nodded my head and I looked him in his eyes to figure out what he was thinking but I couldn't tell.

He cupped my chin and placed one hand on my stomach. He looked me in my eyes and a smirk grew on his face.

He moved away from me and checked to see what I was cooking. He double checked to see that he turned everything on low and he came back over and started kissing my neck. 

I tried to push him away and he kept going. He picked me up and brought me upstairs and laid me down on his bed. He got on top on me and I just gave in.

i woke up around 9 that night and saw that he was putting away the food. He looked at me and smirked again

"Sex isn't going to fix our problems"

"Oh I was making love to my wife"

"We need to talk about us and everything"

"Now you see how it feels to shut someone out"

"No Raymond. Your attitude sucks well both of our attitudes need some work. But shutting out someone that you live with and have children with does not work. I know when you are mad at someone you shut them out but that doesn't work"

"You disappear, go off, and cry about your stuff but you are right. We aren't setting the right example for our children"

I moved closer to Ray and he grabbed my hand to pull me closer and he held me.

"Ray I'm scared. Something feels like it is going to change us forever"

"Don't stress over it. We got each other, our kids, and our families."

Ray kissed my forehead and fed me.

"I'm going to put a real ring on your hand soon enough"

"I'm fine with this one Ray"

"No Sasi. Anything for you and our 4"