You Chose Mine

Chapter 26

I watched on as more things were shoved onto and into her skin. I could only see between gaps of nurses but it was enough to make me know that nothing can be worse than this.

Her body is beginning to shut down.

That’s all the doctors will tell me, they don’t want me freaking out and I completely understand. They know me so well; I’ve been here enough times for them to know how I react to this type of news. They’ve probably been preparing for this.

Something I should have been doing.

“The rest of the boys are on their way and Kennedy should be here soon” I heard Derek’s soft voice from beside me. My left hand was currently entwined with Calum’s; it’s a reflex I learnt from my aunty. I felt my heart skip a beat as another loud siren blared, signally another emergency. Calum’s hand squeezed mine as I bit my lip to hold back the tears.

‘No tears now’ I remember hearing my auntie’s voice.

“No tears” I found myself mumbling.

I saw Derek’s phone light up with an incoming call. He gripped my forearm before I nodded to him to go and take the call. I continued to watch as parade of people came in and out of the room I’ve spent so much time in.

“It doesn’t… It doesn’t feel right” I spoke out loud.

“What doesn’t?” I heard Calum finally speak.

“Being out here, I feel so… distant from her” I told him taking a step forward.

I’ve never felt this far away from her in my life.

“I’d try and say something but… um” I looked to Calum as tears weld up in my eyes. He looked back to me with sympathy in his eyes. I didn’t expect Calum to say anything; I didn’t expect him to understand how I felt at this point because I didn’t know how I felt either.

Besides distant, I felt numb.

A hand slipped into my grip. I turned to see Ashton beside me, “Traffic was terrible” he said plainly.

I felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around my waist and an all too familiar face rest on my shoulder, “I’m here” I heard him whisper.

“I’ll always be here”

Suddenly Michael appeared in front of me and I felt his arms wrap around me, over Luke’s arms and around me. “We’re here for you” he said in a correcting voice.

“T-thank you” I heard my voice crack.

Suddenly everyone’s individual grip on me got tighter. I released Calum and Ashton’s hands and full connected myself around Michael. I let out a stuttered sigh as I squeezed my eyes shut, I could feel Luke’s heartbeat on my back as two more bodies joined the circle. “Thank you” I spoke again. I pulled away from Michael as everyone but Luke backed up. I didn’t mind, his closeness was comforting and familiar which is what I needed right now. I placed my hand over his as I looked back through the window. Her monitors were in my vision for the first time since I arrived here. From what I could tell everything was weakening, even her heart.

“No…” I whispered.

I turned away and looked down to my feet as I squeezed my eyes shut.

It felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of my lungs and someone had right hooked me in the chest as I struggled to breath, struggled to accept the fact that I am now losing the only part of me that I truly love. Luke pulled me closer to his body; I felt his lips and nose against the back of my head. I let out another shaky breath as his lips pressed against the back of my head when I felt a wet spot; I turned to face him when I saw a single tear stain his unusually sad face.