You Chose Mine

Chapter 30

I sat in my car fiddling with my fingers before looking out the window to my shut store. It looked as sad and dark as I felt. I got out and walked towards it. I remember helping aunty paint the store; I remember Derek and his uncle walking in and out with bits of wood in the middle of summer to build the store counter. I unlocked the door and stepped inside remembering dancing with my aunty when our favourite songs came on the radio and accidently knocking over paint and slipping over in it. I laughed as I stepped on the spot where my aunty and I fell over each other trying to get up and ended up getting purple paint everywhere. Poor Derek had to help us clean it up, it took forever. I felt a tear roll down my cheek remembering her melodic laugh.

I miss it.

I found myself standing before the store iPod minutes later and scrolling through a playlist of songs we put together. I hit play on one of her favourites, both our favourites.

"I never thought that it'd be easy 'cause we're both so distance now" the lyrics played through the dark store. It echoed so easily, making me feel every word as if it was a punch in the chest. I dropped the iPod as my vision blurred from the tears forming in my eyes as I sang along sadly to the song. "So we fight through the hurt and we cry and cry and cry and cry" I breathed in a shaky breath as the music moved through me. I watched as they lowered her into the ground today.

I never wanted to say goodbye.

"So far away now I just need you here" the lyrics sang out my feelings as tears continued to rush down my face.

"Why did you leave me?" I cried out. I stumbled into my office where I saw all my paperwork, my computer, her computer, our life's work.

"You promised you wouldn't leave me!" I cried out once more.

In one swift motion I knocked everything off the desk and onto the floor in a loud crash. I breathed out heavily as I felt my temperature rise, "You promised me!" I yelled as I kicked the desk. I kicked it again and again and again as the song repeated "And we cry and cry and cry" I slammed my fist down on the desk before I fell to my knees crying.

"We've never broken a promise" I whispered to myself as I rested my head against the wall.

The only way I held it together today was knowing that everyone I loved and cared for was there, especially Luke even though he couldn't hold me as close as he wanted to I knew he would. That's all I needed, knowing he wanted to hold me so close that he would never let me go was all I needed to get me through the time period. I couldn't even give a speech. Everything hurt too much, and then came the slideshow, photos of her and me together. I shook my head at the memories when they came onto the screen in the ceremony and I looked down and smiled to myself before I let more tears fall. Derek and my mother right by my sides and my friends directly behind me. On the way to the funeral Ashton held onto my hand and listened to every sad song that I put on. I felt as if Ashton was the only one who could do that. No matter how much I feel for Luke, Ashton has a different hold over me. Like a brother, a brother and a best friend thrown in one.

"I love you..." I whimpered into the air.

"On our way back down the earth" the song sang.

I pulled my legs to my chest and hugged them.

"I love you..." I hopelessly repeated.

I began sobbing to myself as the song played again.

"Shannon?" I heard a voice call.

I stayed silent as I rested the side of my head on my knees, now crying silently to myself. I began rocking myself as another whimper fell from my lips.