You Chose Mine

Chapter 37

"Mum..." I mumbled. My mouth hung open in utter shock and confusion.

"Please talk to him..." she begged, "Do this for me" I sighed.

"It's been like, 3 years" I said.

She continued to look at me expectantly.

I brought the phone up to my ear, "Hello" I whispered.

"Shannon..." his voice spoke in surprise. "It's amazing to hear your voice" he said.

"Yeah..." I mumbled unsure of what to say next.

"How are you?" he asked.

I attempted to wrap my head around the fact that this conversation was actually happening. His voice sounds different, it sounds... happy. I looked to my mum to see a small smile on her face, she pointed to the kitchen and walked in that direction.

"I guess you haven't heard..." I said, "I was practically arrest the other day" I waited to hear a disappointed sigh or a dramatic 'what?'.

"I know, but I was asking how you are?" I felt taken back by his lack of shock.

"I was arrested..." I repeated.

"Shannon, how are you?" he continued to ask. "Dad! I was arrested how the hell do you think I feel?" I exclaimed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the sound of his voice was pure concern, but he wasn't concerned about the fact I was arrested.

"In all honesty I'm a little talked out"

"Oh! You had that picnic with your boyfriend today, how was that?" I could almost feel his happiness coming through the phone, it felt so strange.

"Um.. it was alright" I lied. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't the same without Luke there.

"You two look good together" he said, "Very happy" he added.

I felt a smile spread across my face. "Really?" I mumbled shyly.

"Yes, Oh my god!" he exclaimed in a high pitched.

I covered my face as I laughed, "Dad you sound so gay now"

"Hey..." he said "It was bound to happen sooner or later"

I'm ashamed to say I haven't spoken to him in so long.

I'm ashamed that I left because of the drama that I believed was all his fault.

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

"I don't know, can you?" he joked.

"You're such a dad..." I said as he laughed through the phone. I sat on the couch and pulled a pillow close to my chest. "Is it right to be in love with someone that your best friend liked first?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" I sighed.

"Luke, my boyfriend. My best friend had feelings for him and so did I, but she pulled the first move on him. Then, Luke made some moves on me and we started seeing each other behind my best friends back..."

"And she found out and somehow that leads to why you got arrested?" he finished.

"Sort of..." I mumbled.

"Shannon... Did I tell you how your mother found out that I'm gay?" I shook my head as if he could see me.

"No" I answered.

"One day, when I went in for a parent/teacher interview I got there early and met Mr. Ankins so we could get so-"

"Dad, you don't need to go there"

"I was going to say 'get some dinner after the interview', get your mind out of the gutter!" I stifled a laugh before letting him continue. "We were talking and he kissed my cheek" he said, I felt my nose scrunch up in disgust. Mr. Ankins was my netball couch and my third grade teacher, I didn't want to think of him kissing my fathers cheek in any way. "And, to cut out all the romantic details he ended up kissing me on my lips, I responded and your mother walked in on us." I felt a lump in my throat.

I always thought I was more like mum, but it looks like I'm more like dad.

"What happened?" I asked.

"That night, she told me to leave but then changed her mind because of you" he said.

Because of me? I was ten, she could have told me he went out for a drink with his mates or gone to see Grandma and I would have believed her.

"Dad..." I began "You know why I'm asking you about this, don't you?" I asked.

"I'm your father, of course I know why"

"What do I do? Luke wants me to go to London with him, but mum doesn't like him.I think she wants me to come home" I explained "She thinks he's trouble but he's really not." I said trying to convince him out of anything mum has forced him to believe.

"I love him" I whispered.

"I understand" he said.

"I disappeared for a month" he said after moments of silence.

"You what?"

"After your mother caught me with David, the feelings I had were... unbearable" he explained. "I felt guilty because I knew your mother felt like I didn't love her any more. That's not true, I just didn't fall in love with her the way everyone thought I did, I didn't love her the way I thought I did" he confessed. "But I didn't know that until I went away. I left with the intention of coming back and not being in contact with your mother, David... or you again" I felt my eyes prick with tears. He wanted to leave, he was prepared for me not to have contact with me. "The amount of thinking, soul searching, crying I did for those weeks were just terrible and terrifying." I could hear the sadness in his voice, I never wanted this conversation to lead to this. I'm getting all the answers I've wished for, for the past 7 years and I'm not sure if I want to hear them.

After asking questions for that long and not getting an answer, you make up your own answers for them. You fill in the other person's side of the conversation and if you ask yourself the question enough, that side of the conversation that you've made up will become real. It becomes what you think the answer will be and it'll be the only thing you accept, until you hear the real answer. If you ever get the real answer.

"That distances helped me" he said with confidence. I knew what he was leading too. But what's good for him might not be for me.

"Luke and I just got to the point were we can see each other properly. Without the hiding and the secrecy" I played with the corner of the pillow as I got lost in my decisions.

"But, wouldn't you be hiding from mum now?" he asked.

Fuck... Has this situation just gone full circle? Left us hiding from another person.

A tear streamed down my cheek as I breathed in a stuttered breath.

"Why is this happening?" I whispered.

"I can't stand knowing you're hurting right now... But, all you've both known is hiding" he said.

My heart got heavy as I realised that's true. We've haven't known anything besides hiding our feelings. We just got through Kennedy, can I fight past my mother? And after that what's next? the fans? his mother? his father?

"What do I do?" I asked again.

"It's not what you need to do, it's what you need"

"What do I need?" I asked.

"Time"

*Authors Note*

I'm so sorry for these short chapters! They absolutely suck :/ 
But I'm trying my hardest guys xx