as far as friends go

chapter 9

Things have been so weird lately. I just feel like Finn isn't all the way in this relationship, or at least what I think is a relationship. That's the thing, I don't really know what to call it. One minute we're hooking up, then he's denying me in front of Rebecca or whatever her name is, then he's all over me at the bar and standing up for me, and then he just leaves me in an empty room full of strangers I don't even know. And the worst part, he never came back. It was awkward to the point where I just excused myself.

I know what most of you are thinking, I'm not the most perfect girl on the earth and that I'll probably hurt Finn. But you're wrong. I want things to work out with Finn. I really do. I'm like already 28 years old, and I still don't have the fairytale I told myself I would have when I was 14 years old. I want nothing more than the perfect love story. Finn would make the perfect husband, and let's face it, our kids would be so adorable considering our perfect genes.

I know I can come off as a complete bitch most of the time, and maybe that's just because I had a rough home life, I don't know, I just want things and in order to get the things you want in life, you sometimes have to be impatient and bitchy if someone gets in the way. That someone being midget girl.

There's just something about her that intimidates me so much. The other day at Finn's house, his mother was going on and on about how long Finn and her were best friends and how close they were. I know I shouldn't have anything to worry about, I mean look at me, but she's really pretty too. I'm just scared that Finn likes her more than me. And if that is true, I don't think I can handle it. I need a plan to make a little space between the two of them.

I got it.. Midget girl, you have no idea what's coming towards you.

There was something about the way you felt once you knew for sure that you'd saved the person's life on the operating table. So, when they made the last suture to close up the patient, Rachel felt the relief boil over her.

They had been working on the same case for over a month now, and thanks to this final surgery, the little girl, Abby, was going to be able to leave the hospital for good. She couldn't forget the excitement and relief she had seen on the mother of the child's face the day that doctor Reynolds told them the news. It was an amazing day.

It was now 4:15 in the morning, and Rachel was exhausted. She had been working now for 8 hours and her shift would be over after she made her final rounds. Once she did that, Rachel finally left the hospital and got home to her bed, which she really missed. By the time she woke up from her bed, it was already 11:30 am and she was on her phone, she had no new messages as well as her pager. Getting up, she fixed the coffee she had been living on for the past few days.

Once she was done, with a large cup in hand, Rachel made her way over to the couch to see if she could catch up on Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. By the time she got to the episode she left off on, she was hooked.

The next time Rachel checked the clock it was 3:45, so she agreed to make it another unproductive day and to just order in. She was feeling Chinese, but then again, pizza was calling her name loudly. She would have to make a decision before it got too late. She would think about it when the time came.

After another few hours, it was already 9:45 and something was killing Rachel. It wasn't the fact that she was alone at the moment, because somehow the quietness soothed her after a full day of being stressed to the point that she had no idea what she was doing.

Lately her thoughts had been keeping her up at night. Maybe that's why she was so tired this morning. She couldn't get that much sleep the night before. Her thoughts had gotten to her again at the last moment. And those thoughts were the exact things that were killing her right now.