one shots ❯ joshler

center.

another fluffy one shot 4 u, this one is short i apologize

if you havent caught on yet, i post randomly, and when i do, i'll post multiple fics in a day. i dont know why i do so, i just get on a writing kick. (plus im a slut for notifications like please, yes compliment my writing !)

hope you all like this one.

enjoy.

♡

Tyler couldn't explain it. He really couldn't. Sometimes, the world just became too much. The life he lived consisted of crazy schedules, constant moving, and a monumental lack of stability in any form possible. He loved it, yes absolutely. He loved who  he worked with, he was truly one of the luckiest people in the world, and he acknowledged that almost every day. He was doing what he had wanted to do since he was young; perform, have fun, be himself, be happy, and make people be happy.

But,

Sometimes, he wasn't happy. Sometimes, he couldn't be himself because he was now required to  make people happy. It seemed forced, it wasn't always fun anymore. Things were different than he expected them to be sometimes. His carefree attitude and wit was expected now, and he felt like he was being taken advantage of because of his singing and song writing abilities and social status. He was expected to always keep his cool in every public situation that involved twenty one pilots, and the name of the band itself followed him everywhere now, even when he didn't want it to, when he just wanted to be Tyler Joseph. And he couldn't always keep his cool.

The majority of the time, he was in a constant battle with his  mind. His brain was always racing at speeds incomprehensible to the young man, and he couldn't keep up. It seemed like he was drowning in his thoughts, fears, and dueling priorities. He could barely breathe at times, and it was so hard to smile for the cameras and crack jokes and make sure Joshua and the rest of the crew were doing alright, because that was one of the things always at the top of his priority list.

But he'd get dizzy, and confused, and sad, and it all just got so difficult.

He just wanted to sing. He wanted to be happy, without all the interviews and constant questions and random strangers peering in on his personal life. He was sick of everything. He was sick of hiding his relationship with Joshua just because of the image of the band. Who cared about a fucking image? If their shitty, asshole managers weren't making such a big deal about scandals and everything, most people would embrace the relationship anyway! Some days, Tyler could barely will himself to speak with their managers, even though they were basically his boss. He just needed some stability, he didn't want to feel like he was drowning all the time.

And that's where Joshua came in.

Joshua had always been Tyler's saving grace. When they got to know each other, Tyler knew that this happy boy with cute dimples, dyed, practically dead hair, amazing teeth and a bright smile would be special. When they started dating, both boys were the happiest they'd been in forever. Tyler had  watched Joshua grow up through the years, and he had turned into a beautifully handsome young man.

Tyler still got butterflies and chills when he heard the elder boy drum his heart out. He still got butterflies and chills when they touched, or when they laughed at the stupidest things late in the night with their limbs tangled and hair messy, but who cared? Joshua was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and Tyler wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He wanted to marry this boy, and have a beautiful family and a perfect life beyond the band that brought them together.

And Tyler felt terrible that he couldn't show this. Being under this stupid bullshit contract was the worst thing to ever happen in his life. He had to act like his relationship faded after the bromance that they used to share. He had to act like he was in love with Jenna. And the fact that this was all for a fucking camera and for the viewers is what fueled it. He absolutely hated it. He hated it so much. This was  one of the main contributors to the feeling of suffocation he encountered almost every day lately.

But Joshua, Joshua centered him. That was all there was to it. Just looking at the pink haired dork would bring him back to sanity, telling him,

Look at that boy, yes. This is why you are doing this. Let him keep you alive.

Most of the fandom surrounding his relationship with Joshua called him Tyler's circuit, but Tyler thought it was the opposite. Joshua brought him to where he needed to be. And this was keeping him close to okay.

If they were in an interview, Tyler would look after Joshua and make sure he was okay and comfortable and he see if he needed anything (if he did, Tyler would be the first to jump up and get it, of course). And that was the thing about love. It wasn't actually necessary to be constantly speaking or touching. Looking after each other and communicating with glances and smiles, now that was real love.

If Tyler didn't know what to say, he'd look to Joshua, his muse, and he'd find his words. When his brain would not just shut the fuck up, he'd look to Joshua, and all was silenced, except for the thoughts of damn, I love that nerd. Just seeing Joshua, seeing that smile, or hearing him talk was enough to keep Tyler constantly happy. It kept a bold reminder of Joshua's here, no one can hurt me now.

Tyler felt the best, the most secure, when he was cuddled up in Joshua's strong arms. Whether they were sharing a seat together in a small, cozy bed on a tour bus, in a hotel, or safe in their bed at home, they'd make it work so they could sleep together. Joshua would pull Tyler closer with an arm slung around his waist and a kiss to his feathery hair, and Tyler felt at home, at ease. He had a big mouth, yes, but when he was in these intimate moments with Joshua, he was vulnerable and felt small and wanted. He could nuzzle his face into Joshua's neck and inhale the beautiful scent of cinnamon and mint gum, and he could fall asleep as easily as breathing. Tyler loved him so much, and this was when his internal level was as centered as possible.

Or when they were having sex (a/n i keep mentioning sex i'm sorry), Joshua knew just the right way to make him feel good, knew just the right spots to hit, and if it got to be too much, when Tyler could not properly function or sit still at all, Joshua would speak softly to him and coax him into a state  in which he could handle himself and the world around him.

When the night got to be too much, and Tyler would wake up not being able to breathe, caught up in an anxiety attack that not even Joshua's strong arms could protect him from, Joshua would stay awake with him, just playing with his hair and stroking his face and telling him that it really would be alright, breathing deeply with him and kissing him and letting Tyler cry and rant, no matter how late at night it was.

Joshua would always be with him, through the nightmares and insecurities and thoughts, through the laughter and sorrow and pain and love, all the love that Tyler felt for the only person who had ever  been able to center him the way Joshua did.

If it weren't for Joshua, Tyler wouldn't want to know where he'd be mentally. Joshua was his center, and Tyler knew it. He was eternally grateful, and filled with immense love for the man who tugged on his heartstrings every single day.