one shots ❯ joshler

valuable.

hi i'm back.

it's been a couple days, it doesn't even feel like it's been four days since i've updated.

i've been trying to get better, life is shit, though.

i've been dealing with a bit of body dysmorphia lately, along with some self esteem issues so i kind of wrote tyler's views the way i see it, if that makes sense.

but joshua makes sure to boost his esteem and appreciates his body, so i hope you like it, even a little bit.

ps im having serious doubts about this one shot and ughfhfhhf im sorry... anygay,

enjoy

♡

Standing in front of the mirror, staring at himself has become somewhat of daily occurrence now.

It's not necessarily on purpose, no, Tyler simply can't help it. He just ends up there, something deep inside telling him that he needs to look at the reflection and scrutinize every single detail of his body.

A lot of thoughts run through his mind,

it's not too bad,

yes it is too bad.

I'm not that fat,

yes I am that fat. incredibly fat.

I'm decent looking.

What am I saying? I'm the ugliest of all of my friends.

As hard as he tries to fight the horrendous thoughts, his mind fights against him.

With every argument comes the perfect counter.

Today isn't much different. It's around eight in the morning and Tyler just woke up. He sneaks out of the bedroom, away from his warm, cuddly, sleeping boyfriend, and makes his way to the bathroom.

He closes the door after himself, quickly shedding himself of his pajamas, which really only consist of Joshua's sweater, which is incredibly big on him, and a pair of pretty pink panties.

And so he's left standing in his underwear, simply surrounded by the cold air of the tiled room.

He stands in front of the mirror, a good few steps away from it. The further away, the more he can see. And so starts the endless routine of judging and self-deprecating.

He tugs lightly at the skin on his stomach, sliding his hands down the side of his hips.

There's too much fat there, and he wishes it would just disappear overnight, everything would be so much better if it did.

His thighs are too big and he hates that they touch, he feels dirty, disgusting. He grabs at the fat of his inner thighs and squeezes, somehow hoping it'll numb the fat and make it fall off, even though he knows that's stupid and completely unrealistic.

"What are you doing?" A sleepy voice startles him, and he turns around with wide eyes only to find his boyfriend standing in the doorway.