one shots ❯ joshler

feather.

hi, sugarplums!!

this one-shot is, in particular, very special to me.

it mentions suicide and possibly triggering things, so i ask to please read at your own risk.

this is written in joshua's point of view

i get semi in-depth with this fic. it has a sorta deep meaning to me.

hope you don't mind.

enjoy.

♡

It doesn't matter why I was here.

Where the air is sterile and the sheets sting.

It doesn't matter that I was hooked up to this thing that buzzed and beeped every time my heart leaped like a man who's faith tells him God's hands are big enough to catch an airplane...or a world.

It doesn't matter that I was curled up like a fist protesting death, or that every breath was either hard labour or a hard time, or that I'm always either too hot or too cold.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because my hospital roommate wears Super Mario Bros. pajamas, and he's nineteen years old.

His name is Tyler,

and I don't have to ask why he's here.

The rope burn on his neck, the bandages on his wrist, and frame of skin and bones speaks volumes.

The stacks of movies and the feather pillow booms like they're attempting to make him feel at home because he's gonna be here awhile.

I manage a smile the first time I see him, and it feels like the biggest lie that I've ever told. So, I hold my breath cause I'm thinking any minute now he's going to call me out on it.

I hold my breath because I'm scared of a one-hundred and ten pound boy hooked onto a machine because he's been watching me. Perhaps I've gotten him pegged all wrong, like maybe he's bionic or some shit.

So I look away like I just made eye contact with a gang member. I look away like he's going to give me my life back the minute I've got something to trade. I damn near pull out my pack and ask, "cigarette?"

But my fear subsides in the moment I realize that Tyler is all show and tell. He is as harmful as as a small hedgehog, and inside he's scared. I don't know of what, yet, though.

His best friends visit him everyday, and stay well past visiting hours because to them, that term doesn't apply.