Unhealthy Love

Chapter 14

Niall stared into his own image in the mirror, and he'd never hated what he saw more than he did now. He didn't know when his life had turned into this. When had he turned into this hopelessly, pathetic and worthless person? Had Zayn really sucked out every little self-worth he once had? The name made his heart ache, and it was almost as bad as thinking about Harry.

Harry.

He'd slept with his own friend. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, and his fingers tightened around the sink. When he'd woken up this morning naked next to an equally naked Harry, he'd felt like the lowest person to walk on this earth. He had looked at Harry's sleeping face which looked so young and innocent, and the guilt had been clawing at his insides. It had definitely not gotten better when Harry had mumbled his name in his sleep. Had it been any other situation, Niall would have found it cute and even teased Harry, but this was different; one didn’t simply dream about their best friend after sleeping with them. After digesting the fact that he’d used his friend to obtain a fleeting moment of pleasure to forget about Zayn, it hadn’t taken him long to leave; the last thing he wanted was for Harry to wake up, and then he would’ve to face the consequences of his actions.

He was still unable to comprehend how it had gotten that far. He was disgusted by himself; he’d literally begged Harry for it, and he guessed the term 'slut' applied to him for once. He didn’t understand why Harry hadn’t stopped him; sure they were best friends, but there was a limit to what best friend did for each other. He didn’t want to think about it and all he was sure of was that things were never going to be the same between them.

He sniffed as his nose was beginning to run, and he realized he was crying. He bit down his lips harshly until the skin broke like he was trying to punish himself; punish himself for ever getting attached to Zayn and for destroying everything he and Harry had.

It had been long time coming and now that it had happened, he realized he’d known it would all along. From a technical point of view, Zayn had done nothing wrong; he never told Niall they were exclusive, and he’d made it pretty clear he was perfectly content with how things were between them. But it was much more complicated than that, because Niall knew Zayn had known he wanted more than just the sex. He had known it, but pretended he wasn’t the reason Niall was hurting; pretended he didn’t know Niall was slowly drowning.

And now he might finally have hit rock-bottom.

When it came down to it, the blame was on him. He’d known Zayn was bad news from the moment he woke up after their first hook-up, yet he had agreed to this kind of relationship. He had, had the chance to break it off when his friends found out, but he had been too afraid.

If he could only turn back time…

But he couldn’t, and everything that had happened the last month could never be changed; especially his regretful hook-up with Harry. He couldn't believe it had only been a month ago when his life had been so simple and easy. A month before Zayn brought his world crashing down on top of him. A month ago since Niall could talk openly with his friends.

He had fought his friends and ignored their warnings about Zayn. He’d acted like he could keep up this kind of relationship, but in the end he’d been wrong; he’d grown attached to the point where he couldn't even breathe if Zayn took a second glance at some other than him. He had been wrong and everyone else had been right; he hadn’t been more than a toy to play with or Zayn; he had played with Niall and used him up and wrenched him dry like a dishrag until he finally discarded him like a broken toy.

“A broken toy…” Niall repeated loudly as he stared into his teary eyes. “That’s a good definition.” He fell to his knees and muffled his sobs with his hand.