Unhealthy Love

Chapter 15

Niall blinked back the tears, his eyes a little wide in surprise at his sudden confession, but it was nothing compared to Zayn’s reaction. He literally took a step back, his eyes wide with shock. Niall sniffed to keep his nose from running and shrugged a little, like he had nothing to lose.

“….Love...” Zayn’s eyes bored into his, and the way he stood like that with his hands hovering a little in front of him, it was like he was pushing Niall away physically. “…in love,” He repeated dumbfounded, and he wanted to ask how, because Niall didn’t know him – not really – how could he possibly fall in love with someone he didn’t know?

“I said it,” Niall’s voice was weak as he threw his hands a little to the side in defeat. “This little game you had on Zayn. You played well and you won. I fell for you even without you trying,” He looked down and wiped away a tear. “Now I am the only one hurting; the only feeling like a fool.”

Somewhere inside of Zayn hurt a little when Niall looked up at him with teary eyes, and he swallowed when a tear escaped and trailed down his cheek. He wanted to wipe it away, but it probably wasn’t a good idea right now.

“You used me up and threw me away,” Niall’s fingers were fiddling a little with the hem of his shirt; he did that a lot, Zayn noted. “What can I say? There isn’t much to say other than I definitely can’t do this anymore. I’m done, Zayn.”

Then he looked at Zayn with a broken look and shook his head a little, a small sad smile etching onto his lips. Zayn wanted to say something, maybe at least give him an explanation, but the words was stuck there in his throat, suffocating him. He’d never been good with words if you didn’t count in when he was seducing and deceiving someone, but those didn’t really matter when he was talking to Niall. Niall deserved more; more than he could give him. He turned the muddled words in his head, trying to make sense of them, arrange them so they came out the right way, but Niall was already turning away; walking out.

“Wait,” He breathed out heavily, and Niall hesitated in his steps but stopped up without turning to face him. Zayn studied his back for a moment, before sighing. “When I slept with you the first, I never meant to come back to you…but then I saw you in the library looking so goddamn naïve and… I couldn’t help it…” Zayn recalled the image of Niall so persistently trying to ignore him and how freaking cute it had been when he’d snapped. “It kept me entertained, watching you get embarrassed so easily,” Zayn knew he got a little kick out of every time Niall blushed, but that was then and then there was now. “And you’re right about the game… it’s always been a game to me, to see how long it would take before I got bored.”

“I never meant for this to stretch out for this long. It wasn’t supposed to happen, Niall… I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t, okay?” Zayn wetted his lips, and finally Niall turned to face him; his face was slightly scrunched up in confusion, and his eyes were a little red.

“What wasn’t supposed to happen?” He asked, his voice a little hoarse. “What is it you couldn’t?”

“I wasn’t supposed to keep coming back to you,” Zayn admitted and swallowed a little. It was the first time he admitted it not only to Niall, but to himself as well. It had been there all along; the frustration of not being able to walk away from Niall, and now from not being able to let Niall walk away. He’d been with so many before whom he’d walked away from without problems, but then Niall came along and ruined everything. “I couldn’t let you go.”

Niall studied him silently like he was trying to figure him out, and Zayn could taste the uncertainty rolling off of him in small waves; hitting him square in the face. He wasn’t sure what he wanted Niall to say, but neither was he sure what he would say.