I woke up feeling tired. My arm felt so bruised and sore. What happened? I look down at my arm and memories of last night flooded though my mind. I sighed and got up to go look in the mirror. Ew. I thought as I saw myself. I was just thinking about getting something to eat but then I remembered, "You're fat, stop eating so much." That was right. I did eat alot.. I was fat. I decided to distract myself from being hungry by doing things. I took a shower and felt a little refreshed, but for some reason I still felt disgusting. I was clean, but it didn't feel like it. I went to my room and put on some new clothes. I feel a bit better now. I left my hair to dry. I started to feel hungry, so I distracted myself again. I decided to paint my nails. After about 5 minutes, I realized I didn't have the patience to do that. So I got some nail polish remover and removed the little bit of nail polish I had on my nails.I don't watch TV, and I didn't have any books to read. I kept hearing the voice, "You're fat..worthless....ugly..." I looked at myself in the mirror. It was right. I am all those things. No one loves me. No one cares about me. I looked down at my arm and remembered how good the feeling was to slide the balde across my skin... I couldn't resist the temptation. I grabbed the blade and drew it across my skin. I stopped thinking about how worthless and ugly and fat I am, I stopped thinking about everything around me. It was so relieving... I couldn't stop. Before I knew it, there was blood all over my arm, and you could barely see a clean spot. Why am I doing this to myself? What is wrong with me?
-okay okay i'm getting to the calum part soon :) sorry that it's so short :) i promise once we get to the calum part they will be much longer <3 stay beautiful babes xx
