I woke up around 9 am. New record for me! I can seriously sleep for up to 13 hours. I think something's wrong with me. I just sat in bed for a while, wondering what to do. The only thing I can seem to do and isn't boring is shower. So, I got up and grabbed some fresh clothes and walked into the bathroom to get in the shower. After about 20 minutes, yes I know I take long showers, I got out and dressed. I went back to my room and sat on my bed. I decided to get on my phone. I was wondering what I could do on it, and then I remembered I had a Twitter. So I got on there and checked the boys' tweets, and thr last one I checked was Calum. I was scrolling through when I saw a tweet that caught my eye.
I wish I would never have to leave your side....
That's cute .. I wonder who it's about. I got bored since I have only about 2 followers, because I barely tweeted. I then realized how starved I was. I completely forgot about that ... I went up to go look in the mirror, when my mood dropped. I was very slowly losing weight, I was still fat. I thought I'd lose a bit more by now.... I was kind of mad. I looked so fat... I hated myself. I hated everything about myself.
"You should hate yourself, you ugly fat pig." The voices are back. I was going insane again without Calum here. I couldn't cut again, Calum would never forgive me.. And Calum couldn't be here, he was in the studio...
"He wouldn't even want to be there with you, stupid." That was right. Why am I so stupid? Then again...after a while, you do really miss how the blade feels on your skin. It's like you can never stop, everytime I look at my cuts, I'm proud of myself ... I deserve every single one of them.
"You're a worthless peice of trash whore. Go die." I walked over to my desk.... regretting the steps I take. What the fuck am I doing? I dont know. But I couldn't stop myself. My mind needed to be at peace. I grabbed my blade, wondering if I should or shouldn't, if Calum would leave me or not. It was like I wasn't in control of my body anymore, my mind made the desicions on it's own. Then, I pressed down and dragged it across my wrist. The stinging and burning occured for only a second, then was the relieving part. I have missed this feeling forever. Then, out of nowhere, someone barged in my room. I looked at the door to not only see one person, but 5.
"Surpris-" Calum cut off as soon as he saw what I was doing. Fuck.
-i feel like this story is getting really predictable): well sorry i havent updated bc i do like 4 times a day ive just slept for 11 hours and i literally havent seen sunlight in a long time i need help
s t a y b e a u t i f u l♡
