I arrived home and trudged to my room. I opened the creaking door and shut it behind me, and fell face fisrt on my bed. I am so dumb... I messed everything up. I don't want him to think I'm a freak... but he does. Then my dumb phone beeped. Ugh. I thought. I looked to see who it was, it was a text from: Cal Cal <3. What? Then I looked and saw he sent him self a text and saved his number to my phone. Should I be happy or scared? Because I'm both.
Hey babe. I wish you didn't leave, I'm about to go onstage. Hope you made it home safe. x
Who does he think he is? I really like him and all, but I can't get too close. I will just end up with heartbreak.
Thanks. I did. Sorry for leaving....
He didn't reply. I guess he was on stage. I still feel really bad. I wish he didn't see that. I feel so light headed and tired, I'm so hungry. I'll just get some water.... if I drink enough it will fill me up. I went into the ktichen and grabbed a cup and turned on the faucet. After I was done and back in my room... I didn't know what to do. I had a couple songs downloaded on my phone... my favorite song was Beside You. I decided to listen to that. I turned it on and just lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, just thinking.
Maybe he thinks I'm cool.... I thought, but then a little voice in my head kept saying, "how many times do i have to tell you? you're nothing but trash... he would never give you a second thought. You're just worthless and everyone hates you."
That did it. I was a week clean. I couldn't resist. I walked to my desk and grabbed the blade off the shelf above me. I sat down and put it to a clean spot on my wrist, and dragged it across. I have to admit, I miss how good it felt after. The little tiny bit of pain was worth it, I just needed something to save me from the demons in my head. Or maybe, someone.
-ooooOoOooOO soo her and calum ay well yea sorry it sucks stay beautiful babes xx
