It has been a month since I've actually seen Calum. He left Perth and went back to Sydney. He texts and calls alot, but I miss seeing his face in person. His beautiful face. I sighed. My depression was coming back. I haven't seen my mom for almost 2 weeks, she was on drugs one night and started yelling at me and she went to stay at her friends. I'm also fucking starving. I feel so sick because I haven't ate anything for 2 days. When my mom yelled and screamed at me, when she left I called Calum, sobbing and telling him everything. My depression, though, is slowly coming back. I can hear the faint whispers of the voices again. I need Calum. I need him here to save me from them.
"He isn't going to come back, you whore. You were just another girl to him. He just felt sorry for you."
I grabbed both sides of my head in frustration, sitting on my bed with my head on my knees. Make it stop.... I thought. All I could think of was Calum.
"I'm glad you haven't ate for two days, you're already starting to look a tiny bit better. Keep going. Don't eat, you're still fat."
I walked over to my full length mirror and looked at myself. It was true, I was fat. My thighs, I hated my thighs so much. I really wanted a thigh gap.
"If you want a thigh gap then do as I say, and don't eat, you fat pig."
Why is this happening to me? I'm fucking insane. I wish they would stop. There were 2 ways, and only one possible right now. Anything is better than hearing the voices...
Then again, I've been clean since Calum left.
"You're just a no good worthless piece of shit."
"Die, no one would care, your family fucking hates you, and you're a loner with no friends."
That's true... I thought. I did what I had to do.
"I'm sorry, Calum..." I whispered. He made me promise not to do it again. I told him I wouldn't. I'm a terrible friend. I went to my desk and reached up to grab the blade. I sat down, my heart racing. I'm sorry... I'm sorry.... I kept thinking. When the cold metal touched my wrist, I pressed down and slowly slid it across. Of course it hurt, at first. After a couple seconds, though, I didn't hear the voices... the couple seconds of pain is worth it. I just wanted them gone, and this is my only way... The voices stopped, my mind was once again at ease, and I felt calm, and peaceful.
I'm sorry, Calum. Will you ever forgive me?
- oh gosh this sucks haha well umm yea... ily ♥
S T A Y B E A U T I F U L♡
