One World

47) The Dark Viper

Posted 23rd November 2016

Ed was possibly one of the cleverest, or most devious, men in the whole tribe. Through years of plotting and scheming, he was now held in good favour with the tribal chief, Melch, and had been granted one of the most comfortable caves in the valley.

Ed owned a slave, Baw, who'd been captured during an inter-tribal war a few years previously. Baw had a far superior quality of life living in Ed's cave than he'd had in his original tribe, and so he was actually a faithful servant to his new master.

"I'm hungry, Baw," said Ed.

"I'll fetch some meat for you, master," said Baw, "It's gone a bit smelly but it should be alright."

"I don't want smelly old meat, I want fresh meat. I want fish. I want fruit."

"Well we only have 5 chickens left master. Chief Melch has fish and fruit."

"I know," said Ed, "He receives them from tributes every new moon. Takes a chicken off me, 3 fish from Jaw's catch, and a basket from Dar's fruit pickings. He just sits on his arse while we do all the work."

"Master," said Baw with a sly smile, "I have a cunning plan."

"Oh really? Let's hear it then."

"Why don't you give a chicken to Jaw in return for 3 fish, and give a chicken to Dar in return for a basket of fruit? That way all three of you will have some chicken, fish and fruit!"

"Brilliant Baw," said Ed sarcastically, "It's called trade. You've just reinvented the log."

"Oh," said Baw, deflated.

"And whilst that is the exchange rate as dictated by Chief Melch, I want to get more for my chicken than that."

"Well why can't you just say to Jaw you want 6 fishes for a chicken, and say to Dar you want 2 baskets of fruit for a chicken?"

"Because, Baw, they both know that the woods are full of wild chickens. If I charge more than the going rate, they'll just go out and catch their own chickens. Then I won't get fish or fruit. The only reason they trade with me at all is because it's preferable to the extra effort they'd exert running around catching chickens on top of their usual jobs."

"It's a pity there are so many wild chickens then," said Baw, "Otherwise they would have to give you more if they wanted one of your chicken."

"Baw!" said Ed, jumping to his feet, "You're a genius! Fetch me my chicken catching net and my spear!"

A few hours later, Ed and Baw returned to their cage dragging a large net full of about 20 lively chickens.

"This should be enough to produce a plentiful supply of chicks so we never need to go out and catch chickens again," said Ed.

"But did you have to kill all those other wild chickens master?" said Baw sadly.

"Of course! I had no more room in the chicken pen. And now the only chickens to be found are in this cave! Now Jaw and Dar will have to give me more in exchange for a chicken!" (artificial scarcity)

"But master," said Baw, "What if they buy two chickens each? A man chicken and a lady chicken. Then they can make baby chickens themselves. Then they won't need to give you anything because they won't need any more of your chickens."

"You're right!" said Ed, suddenly concerned. After a brief pause, a smile crossed his face. "I know," he said slyly, "I'll only give them man chickens. You know, the ones with the red wiggly bits under their faces. Then, when that chicken is eaten they'll have to come to me for another one!" (planned obsolescence)

"You'll still have to give a chicken to Chief Melch each month," said Baw.

"No, I won't. Once one of my chickens is worth at least 6 fish or two baskets of fruit, he'll have to accept only half a chicken a month, or one chicken every two months. And because, through exchanges, I'll have lots more fish and fruit than before, and because my chickens will be worth more, I'll be able to persuade Chief Melch to grant me privileges. I'm thinking of asking him to give me the woods in return for a gift of some chickens, fish and fruit - just in case we didn't catch or kill all the chickens there. We can't have Jaw or Dar finding a lucky survivor, now can we?" (lobbying)

"What if the chief refuses?" said Baw.

"Then I'll offer Jaw and Dar a job. They can fish and gather fruit for me, and I'll order them to stay away from the woods. In return, I'll give them back some of their fish and fruit, and some chicken. Or, if they choose to not take my offer, I'll charge them much greater amounts of fish and fruit per chicken, so they'll have to spend every waking hour fishing and gathering, and so they won't have time to look for wild chickens." (economic slavery)

And so it was, Ed grew massively wealthy while Jaw and Dar had to work long hours just to put enough food on the table. Every year, Ed sent Chief Melch a generous food hamper, and in return Chief Melch maintained the status quo, and made and amended laws to suit Ed. Only the 'little people', Jaw and Dar, found daily life a challenge. But they were told by Ed and Chief Melch that if they worked really hard then maybe, just maybe their situation might improve. And there was peace throughout the valley (with periods of civil unrest, rebellion and desperate acts by the hungry and cold people. However these were kept in check by a strong militia profitably supplied by Ed's weapon factory-caves (military industrial complex) and paid for by Chief Melch by increasing taxation on the 'little-people' of the valley).

The deleterious inter-relationship between the state and the market

As for Baw, he was caught trying to inform Jaw and Dar about Ed and Chief Melch's arrangement, and so he was thrown into a dungeon-like cave and branded a traitor.

By his cold, slippery and slightly venomous maneuverings, Ed was named after the most dangerous snake in his land of ancient Britain, the viper. Later, because of his dark features, the dark viper.

Ed and Baw had many other such machiavellian adventures, but these occurred in their later incarnations in Britain, when they were known as Edmund Blackadder and Baldrick. But that's another story...    

From 'Blackadder Goes Forth'