Wait.... My dad is Billie?

Chapter 23

  I woke up to someone silently crying next to me. Wait- scratch that; sobbing, and not very quiet.
 
  I looked around and felt very disoriented. I was obviously in a hospital, but what happened? Oh that's right... I tried to kill myself. And it didn't work. But I'm kind of happy.

  I've learned this from the two times I've tried to commit suicide: you think before you do it that you really want to die. But you really don't. Once you slit your wrists or take the pills or you're hanging from a noose, you realize that you don't really want to die. You get scared because it finally sets in that this is what you thought you wanted.

  I was buried deep in my thoughts when the person sobbing next to me grabbed my hand and looked at my with wide eyes.

  Dad.

  "Baby girl!! Oh my god you're alive the doctors said that you were conscious for like a second and then you died and they couldn't resuscitate you and they took you off of life support but that doesn't matter because you're here and you're alive!" I was speechless. I don't know how long I had been unconscious for but I sure as hell missed a lot.

  "It's okay dad I'm here I'm so sorry that I tried to leave you I don't know what I was thinking I over reacted." I said with a weak voice and tears streaming down my face. "Baby don't apologize you didn't do anything wrong I should have trusted you to not do it again. I love you so much."

I love you too, dad.

One week later

  I was finally getting let out of the hospital. It was one hell of a week. The doctors were baffled- they claimed that I came back from the dead. I was just happy to be alive. I didn't care what happened.

  They got all of the toxic overdose chemicals out of my body, stitched me up and I was good. Mike, Tré, Adie, and the boys visited me everyday. And dad didn't leave my side.
 
  "So you know you have to go back to school on Monday right? I mean, the doctor says you're good to go, and you have finals." Dad said, breaking the silence in the car. I knew I had to go back. Back to hell and face everyone. Everyone that was rude to me. I had to go back and face Jace, the one who could have gotten me pregnant, the one who I tried to kill myself over. I had no clue why. It really sunk in that he didn't mean that much to me. Was I really that broken that a simple high school relationship did that to me? Damn, I need therapy.

  We arrived back at the house and I walked inside. No one was here. Adrienne, Joey, and Jakob had gone up to Minnesota to visit Adie's side of the family before Christmas. Wow. Christmas was only like a week and a half away.

  "Do you think you're well enough to have a little jam session?" Dad said with a smirk. I nodded, giggling as I walked up the stairs to get a guitar.

  I walked into my room and a weird feeling hit me. This was the room that I tried to kill myself in. It felt so weird to be alive in here. I was so sure that the last time I went in here would be the last time; but it wasn't. It made me feel like a conquered something, something that was an important obstacle in my life that I needed to overcome. I smiled to myself as I got an acoustic Taylor guitar and walked downstairs to the music room.

  I sat down on a couch in front of my dad and looked at him. "What do you wanna play?" I asked. He got up and grabbed one of his many Les Pauls off of the wall and plugged it into an amp and grabbed a pick that was sitting around. "Your choice, and I'll play the electric for it. Oh, and sing too." He said smiling. I sighed, knowing that I wouldn't win a fight against him about singing and walked over to a microphone. I turned it on, took a deep breath, and strummed a D minor.

"Do you know what's worth fighting for, when it not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away, and you feel yourself suffocating." 

  I figured I would choose this song because it meant a lot to me. It's the song that calmed me down during panic attack, hell, it's the song that popped into my head as I swallowed the last pill. There was something about it that just put me in another state of mind. Almost like a state of nirvana.

  I finished the song and looked up. He was crying. It broke my heart. I set down my guitar and walked over to him. "I'm sorry," he said with a weak smile. "I just thought that I would never be able to hear that amazing voice again. I thought I wouldn't be able to see that amazing smile, or those beautiful green eyes. I'm so lucky that you made it. I love you so much."

"I love you too dad. So much." I said.

  I always thought of depression as a war. Every cut was a battle that you lost, but dying finally after years of torture was you winning the war. But that's not at all what it is. Being able to live another day is you winning the war. You putting all the things that make it not seem worth it aside it the thing that takes the cake.

I won, and I'm proud.

DAYYYYUM THAT WAS A HAPPY/SAD CHAPTER. I hope you guys liked it. It took me like an hour.
Dude
Christmas is only like twenty something days away. I'm so excited.
I'm also really excited for march, because that's when my Green Day concert is. I'm going to the one in Phoenix, Arizona on march first. So if anyone else is going hmu
oHhhh I made another book and I strongly suggest you read it if you need to laugh. It's called 'the high school rant book' but it's not like any other rant book. This one doesn't really have rants. It has funny stories (seriously, ask my best friend @lexy) in it with mini rants inside them. But seriously go and read it.
Anyways, I'm gonna blast. It's p late here. Thank you all for reading! We're almost to 4K reads like bitch how??
Rage and love~ Maddi ❤️