I'm Having These Weird Dreams •The Flash/Barry Allen•

He loves me, He loves me not

It was this one winter. It was cold, and rather dry, but so beautiful.
And it was a mistake.

Joe, had accidentally left the responsibility of booking a campsite to Iris, but she'd forgotten, and since Joe yearned to tell us how the camping life took place, he took us anyway.

In the winter.

Yes, it was freezing and yes we had to pee every two seconds, but in that moment, on that very night, nothing else mattered.

Nothing but the stars.

It was the way they twinkled, so bright and so many, each shining brighter than the next trying to outdo the other.

And then there was this; The sound of absolute silence.

The long hum of no sound reaching your ears. So peaceful and so beautiful, so lonely that we could get lost in the stars forever.

I wish life would be as constant as that, but like the sound of silence; it's constance is broken.

It isn't too ugly though. It often goes unnoticed, and we take it for granted. We live in a world where things change every millisecond. Why can't we just stop, and look at the sky for a moment? Or watch the trees as they dance carelessly in the wind.

Often I imagine what it would be like if I found the quietest place in the world, allowing myself to watch what we usually miss.

I wonder what it would be like to get a whiff of crisp air, a gentle breeze running through my hair, the temperature nipping at my skin and the sound of rustling as the wind greets the trees with a loving kiss.

How unfortunate to have been residing in a world where there's so much to do, that we forget to live.

"Gabi? You okay?"

I peer out from behind my hair, my eyes wandering over to Barrys.

I nod," Yeah yeah, just- thinking."

"No kidding", he smirks, arms crossed over his chest.

There's a slight pause. And it's the least bit awkward.

"What'cha thinking about?", He asks, shuffling over to wear I'm sitting.

"What life would be been like for me in Flash Point", I shrug," I was looking for you and figuring everything out, I didn't think twice of what life was like there."

He sighs, seating himself behind me.

"That place was a mirage. It had everything desirable, but it wasn't real; Where we are now has flaws and that's exactly why it's perfect."

I nod," So what about the flaws?"

"We live with them."

;

"That's the eighth husk! Where are these even coming from? Who the heck is this Doctor alchemy?"

"Now we even have Wally thinking he's Kid Flash Barry, how is any of this going in our favour? What do we do?"

"I don't know", is all he said, glancing at me, almost a weak plead for help.

"I can't believe this. You did all of this, and now you don't even have a solution to this nonsense!"

"Guys lay off him!", I yell," He made a mistake but guess what? We all do, and we've all screwed up before. We can't keep bickering we need to find a solution TOGETHER before it's far too late. Can't you understand that?"

Roy scoffs and walks off in a rush, leaving my heart in a heaping mess which really doesn't seem like it's going to be fixed anytime soon.

"She's right", states Harry," We need to do something and anything at this point would be good enough."

"This isn't easy without Caitlyn", Iris sighs, returning to the desk, Wally right behind her.

Things haven't been easy. We were meant to sort everything out, and everything was meant to be perfect. But it isn't. And it never will be.

Now we learn to live with not only our mistakes, but with the emptiness left from what we've lost.

;

Having someone hate you, is incredibly unsettling. You know you can never feel comfortable in their presence, for you always feel the burn of their glare into your back, hissing away any self confidence you had.

To have someone you love do that to you, is even worse. It makes you feel like shit. Like you mean absolutely nothing to them. You feel empty and useless. You feel like you're not needed in the world.

The worst happens to the best of us, and the greatest thing we can do to survive, is to stay alive.

It may sound rather odd, but it's possible to be dead and lifeless in your own very body. That feeling is horrible, and sick.

"Roy?"

No answer.

"Please talk to me."

There's that sick feeling.

"Please, I'll do anything!", I plead.

"You'll do what?", His voice is dripping with venom, stinging every part of me.
"I just want to talk to you", I say uneasily," I want nothing but that."

"I know what you'll say Gabriella", he says," You'll apologize for whatever you think you did and I won't have it", He continues, " Then you'll run away to Oliver Queen because he always believed in you. Am I correct?"

My blood begins to boil," I don't know what coward you think I am Roy, but if this is what you think of me, then you don't know me, and you never have loved me."

"Loved you?", He spits," I never did and never will love you. You're the most selfish person I've ever met! The only person I'm here for, is Barry, and even he's fallen for your stupid act."

I nod, letting the tears spring to my eyes,"I get it. I get why you hate me and I get why you always will. I've done some terrible things. And even if I'm a different person, it won't matter to you."

I turn around walking away from him.

Halfway, I stop, turn and gaze at Roy.
His eyes are fixed on mine, hard and unforgiving.

"The worst thing Roy, is that even after you said all of that, I still love you."