I'm Having These Weird Dreams •The Flash/Barry Allen•

The heart wants what it wants

I'm not gonna start this with dear diary. It's far too cliché and I don't like cliché.

Well,only a little.

Cliché for me is when I can't tell if I'm falling for someone. Or, if I already have.

Do I love the boy I thought I did?

Or do I love the other who somehow had found himself caring for me?

I should know I love, I should know what love is. I've felt it before, but I can't place my feelings around in the real world anymore.

I'm not included in anything around the labs. They think I've got too much on myself, but I hardly think so.

If I'm standing and sane even after this, I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough for a fight.

I can't remember much of my previous life, but Roy seems oh so familiar there too.

Like I've known him.

Like I've loved him. Even if it was for seconds.

And yeah I know that makes absolutely no sense, but it's just a little screech in the back of my head, making itself known.

As for Barry, I know I miss him.

I miss everything about him. I miss his smile, his eyes sparkling at me.

I miss his mere touch. I miss having his hand safely hiding mine away.

And I can't have him. I know I can't. What he thought he had for me, really wasn't ever there. No matter how much he tried. And that doesn't hurt me.

It hurts that he doesn't even look at me. And when our eyes meet, I have to force myself to look away, and I can feel the heat between us, even if we're really far apart.

What can I say? The heart usually wants what it wants. But my heart can't make a decision.

Damn you heart.

Damn you and your stupid love stuff.

I know this is supposed to be a dream journal, but someone needs to know something. So I chose you.

Yes, you, you black notebook.

I mustn't make this a novel of myself, I'm not just a fictional character, although I'd like to be.

Geez, that'd be so much easier.

And now I ain't got no clue to close this so let's just be casual then?

Uhmm, bye.