I'm Having These Weird Dreams •The Flash/Barry Allen•

Take Me Home

Hi again. It's been quite a while. I can't say that's everythings perfect or that no one poses a threat against Barry.
Everythings messed up. We got a new Wells and Cisco hasn't been himself, Caitlyns been a little jumpy lately and Roy just won't speak to me.

Whenever he does, it's just little 'hmm's or 'ooh's.
How much more can he tear me apart to shreds? He won't settle for so much as a civil relationship. It's like he wants me dead.
It's easy enough for me to tell what exactly love is. It's not when you merely miss them, or their touch. It's not always when you see them with someone else and your heart sinks.

It's when you can't be apart from them. The lonesome thought of not being with them that brings tears to your eyes and gets you to imagine what life would be like without them.
It's when you look into their eyes and sigh, knowing how lucky you are to have them.

When I'm not with him, my heart screams out, pleading and crying at me, to go to him, to ask him what I did wrong. But my mind says otherwise, pushing me further away from him, when I need him the most.

How can I stay away from the one I love? How can I not come back to them?

It's like walking around in circles, and you always end up with them- home.
How can I stray away from my home?

As I'm writing this, I can see him from the corner of my eye, avoiding me completely.
Tonight is one of those nights when Joe invites people as a thank you. On these special nights, he cooks up some of Grandma Esters wonderful recipes.

I can also see him laughing. But there's no twinkle in his eye, and his smirk isn't there. He's not him. And I don't know why.

Often, we'd like to think that we aren't materialistic. That we aren't emotionally attached to a pathetic inanimate object; but the truth is we are. We all are.
We aren't attached to it because of the way it looks or what it does, we're attached to it because it holds memories. Some of these hold the biggest, most powerful memories of life and losing them for even just a year can be painful.

Now imagine just that. But instead of an inanimate object, place a person you love. A person you've made millions of memories with.

How can you replace that? How can you live without the love and memories you had with that person?

I sound completely stupid and cheesy I know, but it's true.

I feel it thumping in my blood, forming a lump in my throat. I feel it sinking in my chest and roaring in my mind.

Sometimes we're forced to leave behind what is most important to us. And I really don't want to have to do that.

All I want to do is go home.