I'm Having These Weird Dreams •The Flash/Barry Allen•

Reality Returns

Dear you.
Thank you, and f*ck you. I gave you pain, and karma sided with yourself beat me up too.
You made me feel like I'd never felt before. You made me feel together and alone at the same time. You made me feel like I was the only person in the world, but also one in seven billion. You made me cry, and you made me laugh. You made me pull my hair out and you made me cut it.
You were sweet, and you were sour. You were everything and nothing at the same time.
You brought this on me, and you almost made me throw my life to the darkness. You pulled me out and you threw me in.
You were my life and you were not.
You ruined everything and you made everything.

What were you to me then?
How could I define you? How could I have ever been happy with you? How could I love you, when you made me hate you?
That wasn't the half that broke me.
You told me that I was everything, I was life, I pulled you out, I made you laugh, an I made you cry.
I made you sick and I killed you.
I hurt you. Like I'd never hurt anyone before.

How can anyone live with that?

---

Help me.
That's the only thing I'd ever wanted to say. Well no, not exactly. I wanted to scream at him," Help me! Can't you see that I need you? That I need your very prescence?"
But I can't. I can't say that, no matter what.
Things have changed, as Barry and I had calculated, but the repercussions were rather horrible.
Even if Barry had fixed almost everything.
Caitlyn, has powers. She turns out, is the one and only ice queen, and much much more powerful than Elsa.
Yes, I know, woah.
We've come across Julian a few times too. He's the man who got Barry to quit his job and that puts his good looks to such a shame.
Of course Cisco will always be Cisco no matter what universe you put him in, and our new Wells, well he lied to us.
He explained that we would need a man of ideas, and that is what he is. He also says he writes novels. How exotic.
Recently, and brace yourself this is big news, Wally got his speed.
Now we have two speedsters on our side, so that's great. But when Wally was called upon by Doctor Alchemy, and an evil God of Speed called Savitar showed up, was I allowed to fight? No. And I'll give you one guess who said that.
He said that I was emotionally unstable. But I doubt he really meant what he said. You see, in Roy Harper language, that would mean,'We can't trust her she may go all rogue on us.'

How tiring is this going to be for me? How much longer will he go on like this?

---

*Flashback*

"Hey pumpkin"

I swiftly turn around," You callin' me pumpkin?"
He chuckled," Nah that pumpkin on porch is really cute."
"You're such a tease", I roll my eyes, turning back and focusing on our front porch.
I lay the lights and twirl them around my fingers. The bright orange makes my fingers glow, nullifying any blue powers I may have had. I look- normal.
"Why couldn't Barry do this?", He asks, flipping the carving knife in his hands.
"Because as convenient as his speed is, we, one: can't let our neighbours see and two: it's better this way!"

He laughs, dropping the knife by his feet, picking up his masterpiece. "Not when I have an ammo of pumpkin guts, pumpkin", he smirks.
My eyes widen, holding the lights protectively over me," My father will hear about this!"
He grins," I. Don't. Care."
He splatters the guts all over my hair and clothes," Why am I your girlfriend?", I laugh," You never said I'd undergo absolute torture!"
As I'm wiping away the guts from my eyes, his strong arms pull me close," Hey, I'm in love with the full package and don't deny you aren't either. You love these guns."

*Flashback ends*

---

I cough myself awake, my hands trembling and the warmth leaving my body, replaced by the glowing blue. My skin is covered in goosebumps and shivers run methodically down my spine.
" Did you get it?", I ask, my voice stuttering. Cisco stands up, his face blank, his headpiece sliding off his head.
I sigh," Cisco please tell me, did you get it or not? Did you see through all my memories?"

He nods slowly.
"And what?", I ask.

"And you really love him. And you really aren't lying."

"I would never Cisco, I thought you knew that."
Cisco walks over, taking my headpiece off, and fiddled with it. "I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I just want to be friends again."

"Nah."
I narrow my eyes," Excuse me, Nah?"
My hands glow a darker blue, Cisco's eyes widen and I laugh," I'm kidding."

"Best friends, I meant best friends."

"Thanks again for recording all my memories sanfrancisco."

"No problemo Gabriello."

I get up, my hands trailing over the cold metal chair. As I'm leaving Cisco says," I'll show this to him."

"He won't believe me", I tell him over my shoulder.
"What makes you think that?"
"Because it's useless if he doesn't love me anymore."