I'm Having These Weird Dreams •The Flash/Barry Allen•

Incognito Pain

I couldn't even remember how it started.

Some things were crammed into my brain, others seemed lost forever. How does a cat with nine lives remember all of them?
How does Gabriella remember why he began to hate her?
Why he even chose to use the word hate?

I remember him when the doors opened. My heart opened too, but his hard gaze sent it back in its cage. He looked like he wanted to kill me, let alone yell. All I could remember was,' Please, please let me be.'

He didn't. He hated me like no one had ever before. He treated me horribly, I felt sick for months and I couldn't stop crying.

He didn't understand. They didn't understand. And if no one I knew did, who would?

Who would understand that almost every single time I'd get a visit, I wanted to throw up, scratch my arms until I saw blood and scream until my lungs told me to give up?
I wanted to give up, I really did. I knew that dying would be more peaceful, and I could've gone too.

But I stayed, and I knew exactly why.

In the video message where the faux doctor Wells explained himself to Barry, he never once mentioned my parents. He never once mentioned how I fit into this equation.
The only person who would know anything, and nothing at the same time wouldn't be a person. It would inconveniently be a telepathic gorilla, the one and only Grodd.

One of the future headlines stated that the city was left recovering after a gorilla attack. I just hope I'm allowed to find exactly why my parents died.

The possibility of the implementation of choice is infinite. For each and every action we make, there are millions of alternate ones. It is believed, by many that for each kind of choice, there exists, a universe.
In the environment we are in, these multiple universes exist.

There are universes where Oliver Queen did not lose his parents, where the Black Canary didn't die. There's universes where he never met Felicity, possibly even Roy. There may be a universe where Thea and Oliver never ever talk to one another.

The possibilities are endless. We all live plenty of lives, we just don't know it.

My point however, is that there's probably a universe where Barry didn't change the past, and none of this would've happened.

The pros: Roy would've still liked me,Iris and Joe never would've fought, Caitlyn wouldn't be afraid of her powers, Savitar wouldn't threaten us.

The cons: We never would've met Julian, Wally never would've gotten his powers and Barry would never have known not to tamper with the past.

The very thought of this ending keeps me calm. But I know, it's going to be a while till everything ends, till the peace rolls back in, and till I feel safe again.

It scares me that Savitar, can kill us all, but he chose to kill only Iris, the one person who matters most to Barry. Of course, it'd kill me too if I lost Roy. But then again, haven't I already? 

He said he hated me. He didn't want me, he didn't need me in his life anymore. How can you live eternally if you're not with who you want to be? 

"He's coming here, but when?", Caitlyn asks, her finger pointed at her head.

I scoot my chair over to her, producing an annoying screeching sound. "What was he like?"

She sighs," Worse than ever! He didn't show any kind of sympathy, and he warned us. I can't believe he's going to attempt to destroy our entire city!"

Julian eagerly nods,"Though", he begins," The question stands; how?"
Cisco shifts in his chair,"Knowing and seeing how Grodd behaved back there, he definitely wants it to have a severe impact."