I played myself. I played with fire and now I’m getting burned. I lost. I should’ve known love is just a meaningless word that hurts your soul. I feel like all the years I believed in love were dreadful. I wasted my time. When you love, you get hurt. You’ll get hurt too deep that flames explode. Otherwise if you don’t love or simply don’t believe in that word you’ll be okay. Just okay. It hit me like a rock in the face. Feeling this pain running through my veins all around my body making me ache. I felt like every single thing inside my heart broke. Everything. The heart is a stupid thing. Love is just a foolish word. And it’s sad to think about this when you think that your life is just perfect but you still have that small part in you that is telling you that everything you worked for is going to fall. Everything you built will come down and you will no longer have something to put all your effort in. Everything that made you the person you are today, will mean nothing because you go through the pain that you do. As human beings we have all been hurt, but does that give us the right to hurt others? It’s test like these that we have to be watchful for because not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. And when we start to understand ourselves do we now what to be mindful of what we encountered and we need to watch for things we know will hurt us in the future. I loved you at once. I still do, but I swore to myself I should’ve left you, the moment I saw your stupid smile. I say prayers to keep the devil far away from those I love. I seem to call on to feel the pain. It would break your heart, if you knew me well. I have run so far that I’ve lost myself. And there are things I have seen that I never will tell. They drove me out of my mind and inside of myself. And It would break your heart, if you knew how I loved you, if I showed you my scars. It would bring you to tears, if you knew what I know. And it breaks me apart that you’ll never know of the things I’ve done or the things I do. It hurts me that you can never help me with the problems that I face. And it’s scary how much I love but you won’t let me show it. And the fact that you won’t let me hurts me the most because then how am I supposed to know that you love me when all you do is hide it behind closed doors instead of letting people know just how much we love each other but I guess that’s not you. I’m happy that I let you go but I’m hurting because I can’t find anyone that will compare to. How you loved me. How you cared for me. How you treated me. It was the little things you did that made me fall for you. I was happy when you caught me because you said you also fell for me but soon enough you found your way back up and let me go. Made me think all these months that you actually loved me but found love in another person that wasn’t me and that hurt me the most. How you played it off like it was nothing. How you toyed with my feelings. All these games and you still choose to play with my heart. I have fought for too long for you to not appreciate the things I’ve done for you. You wouldn't mind doing things for them but when it comes to me you have no clue of what to get me yet you claim that you know just like you know the back of your hand. I know you never loved me, I just wanted to see how long it would take in order for you to actually to tell me that you didn’t. I loved you, I cared for you, I treated you with respect, I gave you my heart and all you did was take it and throw it on the ground like it was something meaningless to you. People are just like glass, you have to be careful with them because if you’re not then you can end up shattering them for all eternity. It takes a lot for a person to go through something but heartbreak should never be one of those things.It’s amazing how much you tend to find out a person by spending so little time with them. But with me, it felt like an eternity that I got to have with you but I guess you never really let yourself fall but I did and I thought you were gonna catch me but you didn’t and now I don’t know how to get out of this hole I’ve put myself in. I put myself in this situation but soon enough I was able to pull myself up and get out before I fell too deep in the hole that I didn’t want to be in and I felt free again and not restrictive of the situation that was at hand instead of being stuck and not feigning for myself as the person I am to be with someone who will truly care for me.
