Very much like when I’m anxious I tend to do the same things with the stuttering and fiddling with my fingers. But to be nervous you tend to get frightened more than usual. I get nervous all the time. More than when I get anxious. I’m going to talk about now like in the present kind of nervous I am. So I’m just really nervous about what’s going to happen for me. Life was going good. It was just fine. And then out of nowhere I’m hit with the question “How would you feel if we moved to California?” You mean as in halfway across the country? You mean leave my friends? Leave my girlfriend? I’m sorry but if you didn’t know, my life is just fine. I would love to go back to where I was born but I have a good life here. I don’t want to have to start over a whole new life again. Yeah I understand that you would have a better job opportunity and the fact that there is a man waiting for you out there but please think about me and what you would be doing. What would happen to everything I would be leaving here? Would people even care to contact me? Would they even be sad if i moved? You can’t just ask me a question like that and expect me to be okay with that. I’m so nervous on what’s going to happen after this. Will people even like me out there? Will I be able to make friends like I did when I switched schools? Can me and my girlfriend make a long distance relationship work? Or will she not be able to handle not seeing me in person and find someone else? Yes I do understand that it’s my mom’s decision to move where ever she wants but halfway across the country now you getting a little too ahead of yourself. Can’t we just be in a nice little apartment that’s still in my school district? Man, we can live in a town home that’s near the school and I’ll be fine with that just don’t take me away again. I’ve lost so many friends before hand I don’t want that to happen again. When I find people that I can actually talk to and hang out with them, I get attached easily and quickly. It’s not that i don’t want it just going to happen when I find people that I can relate with, it’s common sense to connect with them. I just want for my mom to take consider of everything that I will be leaving behind myself instead of just her. She’s pretty much bringing everything she needs. She doesn’t really have too many friends because she’s always at work. Our family is spread out pretty much all over the country so there wouldn’t be much harm there. But for me I would be even farther away from my dad. And she has a lot of opportunities out there for her. So of course she’ll want to move. I just wish I was old enough to get my own apartment, get a nice job but still go to school, and be able to have a good life. That would only be until I save up enough money to get a nice house and live with my girlfriend, I’ll have been graduated from school, going to my dream collage, with no worries in the world. Yes I’ll still visit my mom and everything when I get the chance. But I just want to have a steady and stable life without having to move all the way across the country to have that. It’s stable enough here without you taking me away from the people I love most. And the fact that we will be nowhere near any family for real this time. We’ll be on the west coast while they on the east. I love my mom to death I really do, but sometimes she has some ideas that I start to wonder was she even thinking about the effects that she would be having on me. I hope that we don’t move across the country and only a couple blocks. I hope that she makes the right decision to keep me in my same school and that I can still be with my friends and girlfriend. I hope that she can find herself a man that is willing to love her for who she is, and is actually in the same state as us. I’m nervous about the fact that I won’t be able to see my friends anymore. I’m nervous about the fact that if I have a long distance relationship with my girlfriend she’ll end up finding someone better than me and that’s closer. I’m nervous about the fact that I won’t be able to find good friends like the ones I have here now. I just don’t want for things to change. I want for the stay the same. Because it’s always easier for me. Cause I don’t have a good history with change. It’s sorta like my rejection it just comes whenever and I can’t control it because it’s stronger than me. I wish I could handle it like I would handle any other situation but sadly it’s just out of my hands from here on out now.
