Wishing, Alois |√

22nd Gloom

After hearing those words from my niece, I was so sure that I could face Alois with no hesitations. Talk to him as if nothing really happened. Nothing has been confessed.

But when we finally get back home. And as I met Alois from afar. Fear quickly encrypted me.

Para bang lahat ng mga napagdesisyunan ko ay kaybilis ding nawala na parang bula. I gotten back-out by my own thoughts.

Kaya ang resulta. I keep on hiding from him as I he keep trying chasing me.

Pero sa tuwing iniiwasan ko siya. Katumbas naman nun ang patuloy na pagbigat ng nararamdaman ko.

I felt like I was again the person before I met Alois. I was again the loner one, na wala ng pwedeng pagsabihan sa mga problema niya.

The bad thing is. I became the worst version of myself after admitting that I was actually a liar for not keeping by his words, back at the playground.

Alam ko namang napapansin na niya ang pag-iwas ko sa kaniya. I know him. Madali lang sa kaniya na makaramdam.

I highly appreciated it though. The way he never dare to push me for a confrontation.

Days, weeks, and months had passed. Yet, were still on that kind of phase. I even chose not to stay with the places I used to stand by. Places were we could possibly meet.

The playgrounds. Ice cream shops. Even the attic that is once my favorite spot. Pero ang mas nahihirapan ako, ay sa campus.

As much as possible. I won't stay too long. So basically ang routine ko, I move from one place to another. Hangang sa nakasanayan ko narin.

That's why during those days. The only sanctuary that is left for me.. Was my room.

Gaya nalang ngayon. Nandito na naman ako at pilit isinasaisip ang bawat liriko na binabanggit sa radyong pinakikinggan. Ngunit ni isa dito ay di man lang pumapasok sa ulo ko. That's why I decided on shifting from reading.

Naghanap muna ako ng pwede ko pang mabasa sa shelf na kinalalagyan ng mga basahin ko. When a sudden sound of falling interrupted my searching.

Isang cd lang pala ito na mukhang nasagi ko sa paghahanap. So I bow down to get it. And as I'd seen the cover. A particular thing quickly came back on my mind.

Dali-dali ko itong hinanap. Pero lintek! Di ko matandaan kung sa'n ko na nalagay.

The ticket. The freebie ticket for Avril Lavigne's concert.

"C'mon Lian. Remember where you put that." Parang baliw ko ng pagkausap sa sarili.

Patuloy ko parin itong hinahanap. Until I came into my last option. My box.

The box where I actually hide my belongings. Sentimental belongings. Even my savings is in their.

So I immediately went into my bedside cabinet. Opening the top case of it, as I pull out my box inside.

Napabuga nga ako ng hangin ng sa wakas ay nakita ko rin ito. "Their you are! Thank God!"

Para akong ewan na hinihimas at pinapagpag ang ticket na bigay niya. Ticket na bigay ni Alois.

As if it was a very fragile thing to break. Napakaimportante. To the point na hindi ko dapat mawala.

It dated this 14th of February. As in! Valentines day talaga! Why did I only notice the date just now?!

As I checked my phone for the date. And I regretting checking it. Kasi bukas na pala! Bukas na pala ang concert!

What do I do now? Would I try to ask him for companion? Or I would just go alone? Or worst is.. I would not go after all.

As I thought of that. I then started to think about it over and over again as I realize that I can't sleep anymore.

Kaya nagdesisyon akong bumaba para kumuha ng maiinom. Something that can help me going to sleep.

Nang napunta nga ako sa kusina. Agad kong sinilip ang ref as I reach for the fresh milk. Saka isinalin sa basong kinuha ko.

I then sat on the bar stall of the kitchen as I felt the silence around me. Ang maliit na sinag lang sa labas ang nagsisilbing ilaw sa aking paningin.

Bawat ko lamang ang natatanging tunog na naririnig as a sudden thought wakes my reverie again.

Ganito pala katahimik ang mundong ginagalawan ko.

Mundong ngayon ko lang nakaligtaang malaman. Like I was travelling inside my own soul.

Para bang minsanan lang itong nabubuhay sa tuwing may taong dumadalaw. At ngayon wala na naman sila ay bumabalik na ito ulit sa dating ayos.

A sober's life of existence. The kind of sober that could only see herself by itself. Kung saan walang ibang naglalakas loob na tulungan siya.

And the only person who tried breaking it was no more to be for I was pushing him to even let go.

~

I came back at my room as I finished drinking. Bago paman ako makatulog na ng tuluyan. A particular sight caught my atention.

Ngayon nga ay para na akong lutang na pinagmamasdan ito. Ang bintanang nagsisilbing lagusan palabas ng attic.

Para bang nagbabasakaling may makita. May makausap. But in the end. I decided not to. Ang tanga lang diba?