Always Out of Reach

Mr Popular

I woke up the next day. The first thing that hits me every morning is sadness. It's always there, just reminding me of my stupid excuse of a life. I just have to grin and bare it. That's the only way to survive.

Then there's school. School's a bit weird. I dont dread going there but I don't really look forward to it either. It's another form of escape but I'm never really happy there.

I just keep my head down. The only person that I talk to is Shane.
"Hey Joey." He says. Shanes life isn't perfect either but he is better at covering it up. He'll joke about it instead of letting it destroy him. I wish I could do that...
"Hmmm." I grunt in response. I never have the energy to say much else.
"You okay?" He asks.
"Ye i-" I stop talking, suddenly distracted. There he was. Tall, handsome, Mr Popular. Surrounded with all his equally cool friends and getting eyed up by almost every single girl.

Daniel Preda. My high school crush. Yes, I am gay. No, I have no idea if he's gay or whether he even knows my last name. There's no way in a million years he would look my way if he was gay. Why would he choose me (the small, nerdy boy who comes from a broken family and always seems to be surrounded by a bubble of sadness) when he is the most cheerful, amazing, good looking boy ever. It's just not gonna happen. But I can wish.

Shane follows my eye line to where I'm looking. "Forget it, Joey."  He awkwardly pats my shoulder. "Don't fill yourself with false hope."

But, seeing as I had no real hope, false hope was the only thing I had to survive on.

Form went on and on. I sat next to Shane but we didn't really talk. Daniel sat at the back with his friends. He was always laughing and damn did i love his laugh.

"Joey?" I spun round at the sound of my name and saw Ethan (one of Daniels friends). "How's your family?"
His voice was filled with sarcasm. I look down ashamed. It's not like parents being divorced is unusual but....for some reason people find it hilarious that mine are.

"Guys stop.  My parents are divorced too, would you joke about that?" Daniel speaks up. I'm speechless.

"It was just a joke." Ethan rolls his eyes.

"Well it wasn't funny." Daniel says.

My heart skips a beat. Daniel just stuck up for me. I know my face must be beetroot red now but in don't care. I smile at him and he returns it with a grin that makes my heart melt.

For the rest of the day I'm a lot more happier. I know it's rediculous to think that, because he stuck up for me, daniel likes me but at least i now know he knows who I am.

When the bell goes at the end of the day my mood drops. It's Friday.  That  means I have to go to my dad's.

My dad is a strange person. To everyone else he seems great. Loving, funny, kind. But to me.....he's nothing like that. Underneath the great exterior he shows off to everyone is a narcissist. Someone who will never admit he's wrong. Someone who will try to control everything you do. I still have nightmares about him and, I know for a fact, that Jet is petrified of him.

I remember sitting in the back of the car on the way back from a road trip. Me and Jet were hyper, we couldn't stop laughing.
"Stop laughing, you're distracting me." My dad ordered. But we couldn't help it, we tried to hold it in but it was no use. We burst out into fits of giggles.

Suddenly my dad's hand was gripping my ankle. "I said stop laughing. If you do that again then we won't be going on another road trip." He removed his hand leaving big red marks on my ankle. I was 8, Jet was 5....we thought that was normal, we thought we deserved that.

He doesn't do it anymore but that doesn't mean we don't remember. Those memories will scar us forever.

The sound of his car makes my body freeze. The slam of the door as he gets out makes my stomach clench. I hate him.

"Hello Joey!" He always speaks in an overly patronizing voice. "How are you?"
I grunt.

"'I'm great dad, how are you?' Is what a normal person would have said to that." He says. I grunt again. He reeks of smoke. Aparently him smoking is my fault aswell because i " put him under stress".

"Typical teenager." He sighs. In my head I am screaming. Why does he think I'm like this? It's his fault! But on the outside ...I remain silent.

"We're meeting Venessa's son tomorrow." He states. "James."

Great (!) Another person to add to my messed up life. Lucky me (!) He's probably exactly like Venessa: controlling, patronizing and boring.

Authors note:

Let me know what you think x

Thanks for reading
Erin xx