Deals With The Devil (Chris MotionlessXreader)

My Favourite Past Time

'It's funny how quickly time can pass, huh?' I laid in my new tent, pondering the last few months. Days were passing quicker and quicker. Chris and I grew closer and closer, voices in my head were growing louder and louder. I was quickly becoming disconnected from the friends I had made in the circus, yet I didn't know why. Chris had been helping me with my mental health after I completed all his little chores. He would sit with me and wait till I fell asleep before leaving, he'd bring me food from restaurants I used to go to before I met him, he even summoned one of my friends from high-school back from the dead for a few hours because I was feeling lonely. I loved him. I honestly loved him but I was afraid to admit it because I knew that in his eyes I was just a depressed human. I wasn't like them.
"(Y/n), please go see Josh...you're bleeding real bad..." Devi spoke in my head. He was right because my arms were sliced to the bone. I tried so hard to hit a vein but luck wasn't on my side that night.
'Devi...I don't...want to...be me...'
"Damnit!" Devi screamed in my head. It felt like less than a moment passed before Josh and Ricky were rushing into my tent.
'Oh shit...oh fuck oh shit!' Josh suddenly shouted, reaching into his pockets. 'Here, use this!' Josh handed Ricky a small tin. Ricky opened it up, dipping his calloused fingers in the neon blue gel.
'Are there any tissues or anything like that? We need to clean up this blood...' Ricky was quiet, less scared but more confused. Josh nodded and went fishing through my drawers for something to clean me up. My arms were itchy and raw, my blood loss was getting to a critical point and my body was beginning to go numb. I was finally going to be more than a dirty human.

'"...and you, beautiful unyielding woman, how you too are my prisoner. O you, far-from-me, who I yield to. If you only knew." It's a sad story, really. A poor girl committing suicide is always something that clogs your eyes with tears.' I was engulfed in a warm feeling, something soft was covering my whole body. My eyelids felt heavy yet I managed to pull them apart to reveal my tent. Ricky was sitting on the end of my bed, his legs crossed and a dark blue book in his hand. 'The gallows in my garden, people say, is new and neat and adequately tall; I tie the noose on in a knowing way. As one that knots his necktie for a ball; but just as all the neighbours—on the wall— Are drawing a long breath to shout "Hurray!" The strangest whim has seized me... After all, I think I will not hang myself to-day.' Ricky's voice was like music. I clung to each word he spoke and silently listened as he continued to read out some sort of poetry. 'To-morrow is the time I get my pay—My uncle's sword is hanging in the hall— I see a little cloud all pink and grey—Perhaps the rector's mother will not call— I fancy that I heard from Mr. Gall that mushrooms could be cooked another way—I never read the works of Juvenal— I think I will not hang myself to-day. The world will have another washing-day.'
'Wh...what is...that?' I suddenly panted, not realising I was so out of breath. Ricky glanced over at me with a gentle yet dull look on his face.
'It's "The Ballad of Suicide" by G. K. Chesterton. I have a whole book dedicated to poems of suicide and it seemed fitting to read it to you while you slept. You're a very calm sleeper. You barely breathe.' He shifted in his spot before lifting his knees to his chest and placing his book down beside him. 'Why?'
'I...don't want to be me...' I replied, knowing full well that he was asking why I'd want to die.
'You'd rather be a ghost? Trust me, it's not as good as living. Chris brought me back to life just to prove it. But, still, I guess you won't believe me until you've experienced it.' He slowly lifted himself off of the bed and opened his mouth. He lifted his arm and plunged it down his own throat until his elbow was barely visible. Tears welled in his eyes as he fished around with his insides. He violently yanked his arm out of his mouth and spluttered while bits of drool leaked from the corner of his lips. In his hand was a small, maggot looking object drenched in blood and saliva. It wiggled around in his hand, even making a few sounds. 'Go, have your way with her.' He muttered to the thing in his hand. It purred quietly as I began to feel my eyelids grow heavy. I tried not to, but I let my eyes shut and was instantly met with a sharp pain in my heart. I felt ants crawling around under my skin and yet I was so paralysed with fear that I just let the. I just lied there as their little feet skimmed over my flesh, nibbled my veins and drank my blood. 'You're showing her my death, aren't you? Bring her back, I think she might go insane.' At that instant, I was pulled from that nightmare and back to reality. Ricky was holding out his tongue whilst the little creature squeaked and hopped on. I watched in utter horror as he swallowed the thing whole. I could see the outline of it slip down his throats and wiggle around under his skin until it settled near his stomach. 'I apologise, she didn't show you what she was supposed to. That was my-'
'Is...Is that how you died?' I was still twitching, my mind felt like a jelly after that experience.
'Well...yeah, actually. I had a large jar of ants placed on my stomach. When you sit a man in a cold room with a jar full of ants strapped to his stomach, the ants will burrow into him for warmth. He's conscious for all of it, of course. They crawl under his skin, and through his body yet he doesn't die instantly. No, it takes him a few days to die. The ants start colonising inside of him. He can feel them under his eyes. It all could have been avoided if he had just told them his secrets but he must honour his country.' I noticed goosebumps on his skin as he spoke. He was becoming pale and his breathing erratic. 'I died after a few days. My mind, body and soul becoming separate. My spirit sat in that room, watching as they disposed of my body and brought in somebody else. I was a child of war and could withstand the sights of them raping and deforming the young girl. She looked eight or so. After they were finished with her, they brought Chris in. The mad man he was, he just screamed the whole time. Not out of pain, but out of victory. He was content with finally getting to that spot. He waved his fingers and I fell onto the ground, finally feeling pain. My immediate reaction was to free the strange man and together, we escaped. He told me that he could sense my agony from miles away and I was beginning to annoy him. Apparently my soul was constantly screaming.' He gently chuckled at the memory. 'Do I seem like the kind of person who would scream a lot?'
'I wouldn't...wouldn't think so.' I pushed myself up, not realising at first how weak my arms were. 'Is Chris around?'
'He's somewhere. We tried to occupy him so he wouldn't find out about you. He can get very unmanageable when he's upset and considering he was remade to be perfect for you, he's probably going to do what you'd expect him or want him to do if he found you like this. So, what's he going to do?' Ricky sat back down on the edge of my bed, the strange creature still jutting out of his skin like a bruise. 'Will he do anything at all? Maybe he'll kill you or maybe he'll feel nothing. He'll be so heart broken he'll kill himself, maybe.'
'He'll cry. I'd want him to cry and tell me that he loves me...No one has genuinely cried for me before.'
'So you'd be happy if you saw Josh and I treating you? Is our pain amusing? Is that why you did it?' Ricky became justifiably agitated yet, to me, his feelings were unexpected. A thousand years of pondering wouldn't have let me guess that he'd be one to cry. 'You know we care about you, right? We don't seem like heartless monsters.'
'You don't look like monsters, but...you guys are covered with tattoos and piercings. It does make you look scary.' I snickered as Ricky glared at me, his cold stare making me feel better. 'Don't look at me like that, it's not my fault you all look like edgy teenagers.'
'Oh you are so lucky you belong to Chris or I'd stab you.'