A funny word called Love

Chapter 7

After a 3 hour nap, it was only 9 am. Plenty of time to think through the hurricane that was rampaging through Yuri's mind. 'Damn,' Yuri thought, 'Viktor was right. I really can't stand to not know something.' And before now he didn't even realize that he didn't know this. He didn't have time to realize that he had never really thought about that terrible, confusing, funny word that people called love.

'Okay, let's make a list,' thought Yuri, lists had always helped him out. They were clear and concise. Not confusing, and not frilly or fancy either. He went to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper and made to columns, one entitled: What I Know, and the other entitled: What I Have No Fucking Clue About.

Under What I Know Yuri wrote:That I don't have a crush on Otabek. That everybody else things that I do. That I really like him but it's platonic. That somehow I didn't throw a fit when he called me Yuratchka. That I want to be close to him, but just be really close friends and never leave his side.

Under What I Have No Fucking Clue About Yuri wrote: Why everybody thinks I have a crush on Otabek. Why I didn't freak out when he called me Yuratchka. What my sexuality is (and if it even bears any type of relevance to his life). Was there even a word for just really really liking somebody in a platonic way?????

After making these lists he felt a lot calmer. Sure, it hadn't given him any answers, but hey, it seemed a lot less overwhelming when it was on paper instead of just swirling thoughts keeping him from doing anything.

Back at the rink, Yuuri and Viktor were debating what they should do. They both couldn't help but feel partially responsible for bringing about what seemed to be like an identity crisis. They both knew how unsettling it could be to not quite know who you are, and Yuri either didn't know that he didn't quite know who he was, or he didn't care. Either way, he's realized that he doesn't know, and now he does seem to care, and it's terrible for him.

"He hasn't missed jumps like that ever! Even when he was a little kid in Juniors, after failing a jump he could always do it on his second, or maybe third try, even if it was a bad day!" Viktor exclaimed.

"I know! I mean for me it was good to know my identity, once I figured it out I felt a lot calmer and self assured. But that must not be the case for Yuri, he seemed perfectly happy to not know. I don't think he even realized that he didn't know. And now that he's realized it? He can't seem to concentrate on anything! Now he needs to know, and it's all our fault!" Yuuri said, shaking his head.

"Well, we could at least try to help him? Give him a few links to guide him along his search???"

"We could at least try, it probably wouldn't hurt. He might not look at the links but oh well."

Yuri got a text just as he was about to start eating lunch. It was a link to a website about sexuality and self discovery and shit. It's not like Yuri needed this, thinking,'I don't need to figure it out. I was perfectly content with not knowing so I can be content with not knowing now.' But even though he was thinking this, he still found himself unlocking his phone, and going to the website.