A funny word called Love

Chapter 33

Morning came all too soon for Yuri and soon he was about to compete in the Rostelecom Cup. But even though talking to Otabek after his nightmare had helped, he just couldn't focus. Yakov noticed that Yuri wasn't his normal self and asked, "Yuri, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Yuri snapped.

"Are you sure?" Yakov said. Normally Yuri wasn't snapping at people until after competitions when the press were pestering everyone and Yuri just wanted to go home.

"Yes, Yakov, I'm sure that's I'm fine," Yuri said, as if he was trying to convince himself of it, before going onto the ice to warm up.

'That boy definitely didn't get enough sleep,' Yakov thought, 'It better not make him mess up today.'

But it did mess him up. The short program, in Yuri's opinion, was a disaster. He had four quads in the program and had only managed to land one of them well. His performance components weren't very high either. His theme for this season was tranquility, and that was just about the opposite of what he was feeling right now, and he just couldn't make his performance seem genuine.

"Yuri, pull yourself together before the free skate," Lilia told him sharply.

"Okay," Yuri said, looking down at his feet.

"And keep your chin up. Prima ballerinas do not sulk when they don't perform their best. No. They just become more determined to do better the next time!"

"Thank you," Yuri said before he tried to find a more secluded part of the arena to try and sort everything out.

Once he had found an area clear of people he lost all of the composure that remained with him, and started kicking the benches that were near him, as well as the wall, as well as shouting swear words at himself, the world, and his stupid dream. Doing this helped calm him down. Even if it wasn't exactly healthy, he had still needed an outlet for all of his anger that had built up due to his disappointing performance and his frustrating dream. Once he had gotten through all his anger his mind felt a lot more clear and he suddenly found himself asking himself whether his grandfather would like it if Yuri screwed up his performance because he was worried about him. And then he realized that no. His grandfather would be quite disappointed, and probably angry with himself. His grandfather had always cared about Yuri more than anything else, and had always tried to help Yuri succeed, especially succeed at something that made Yuri happy. That was why he supported Yuri's skating career, even though it was financially draining before Yuri began to get sponsors. So, Yuri couldn't let his grandfather down. He had to stop worrying, if only temporarily, so that he could skate his best.

He went back to the rink and Yakov told him, "You better nail your free skate if you want to go to the Grand Prix Finals, Yuri. You're currently in fifth place."

"Damn it," Yuri muttered.

"Language, Yuri," Lilia said sternly, "Are you doing better now?"

"Yeah," Yuri said in response.

"Good," she and Yakov said together.

Before skating, Yuri tries to take some deep breaths, and when he goes onto the ice, he tells himself that his grandfather would want him to skate well today. And his free skate was flawless. He still couldn't get the performance points that he was hoping for, because no matter how much he tried, he couldn't appear peaceful. However, he scored very well with his technical points, though he didn't know if it had been enough.

It had been, but barely. He got third place, and it was all Yakov and Lilia could do to keep Yuri from swearing at his competitors and the judges and anybody who dared to cross his path. "Prima ballerina's must alway keep their composure, Yuri," Lilia harshly reminded.

"That's right, and besides, you still will be going to the Grand Prix Final and you'll be able to do better then," Yakov reassured as Yuri glared at him. He had barely made it to the podium and barely made it to the final. This wasn't okay. He was better than this. He was going to do better than this at the Final, he just needed to somehow make sure that nothing else would go wrong so he wouldn't be distracted and screw everything up.