A funny word called Love

Chapter 32

Yuri suddenly woke up. 'It was just a dream, it was just a dream,' Yuri reassured himself, still not fully believing it. 'I'm okay, I'm okay.' But he wasn't okay, and after a few minutes of sitting there in shock, he just started sobbing. That dream had brought up too many things that he had been ignoring for so long.

Without thinking, Yuri grabbed his phone and called Otabek. Otabek answered very quickly saying, "Yuri?!? What's going on? Why are you calling me? It's 3 am for you! Are you alright?"

For a long minute, Otabek only heard sobbing, and he was deeply concerned about his friend, and Yuri finally responded, barely choking out, "Nightmare," before continuing to sob.

"It's okay Yura. It wasn't real, whatever it was, it wasn't real." Otabek said gently before starting to talk about what happened the previous day to distract Yuri from whatever he was thinking about.

After a while, Yuri stopped crying, and interrupted Otabek by saying, "It was my grandfather. He was dead. And it, it was my fault. He told me that he would've survived if I had been there, but I didn't know since I had been competing in the Rostelecom Cup when he passed. But it was my fault..." Yuri trailed back into tears, though they were more muffled this time instead of the violent sobbing. Recounting this was hard, but he continued anyways, "And then I heard my father's voice telling me that he had never wanted me. That I was the reason that he left my mother. That he had never wanted a child, that he had never wanted me. That if it wasn't for me, they would've been happy together. And then I was back at the day that my mother left me. And she told me that she was leaving because of me. She was leaving because it was her only shot at happiness. She told me that I was like poison to everyone I interacted with, spreading unhappiness wherever I went..." Yuri finished, going back to sobbing. He couldn't quite place why this had hurt him so much, it just did.

"It was just a dream, it's not real, and it's not true," Otabek soothed, and once he heard Yuri's breath regulate again, he continued, saying, "It would never be your fault if your grandfather died. You can't blame yourself for mortality. He is an old man, and one day he will get to see whatever comes next. It's not your fault that your father left, it's really not. I doubt that your father left because of the pregnancy, if that were the case, he would've left sooner than three weeks before your birth. And even if he didn't want a child, if he had stuck around to watch you grow up, he would've been glad that he had a child. But you weren't even born yet, how could it be your fault? And it's also not your fault that your mother left. She didn't allow you to bring her happiness, instead she soured your relationship by being constantly angry, which only made things worse for both you and her."

"Beka?" Yuri asked.

"Yes Yura?" Otabek responded.

"Are you unhappy when you're around me? Do I spread poison to you as well, just by interacting with you?" Yuri said softly, and as Yuri spoke, it was surprising how small and child like Yuri sounded while asking this.

"What? Of course not. I don't talk with very many people. I wouldn't be talking with you if you made me unhappy. You are not like poison by any means. Oh Yura... Yura you don't make me unhappy in any way. You make me so so so happy Yura, how could you make me anything but happy."

"Thank you, Beka, and you make me happy as well."

"You should try getting some more sleep, Yura. You have the Rostelecom Cup later, right?"

"Yeah, ugh."

"Goodnight Yura."

"Hey, hey Beka?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you just keep talking to me until I fall asleep? I'm sure that it won't be long, I just don't trust myself with my thoughts," Yuri asked.

"Of course," Otabek obliged, once again surprised at how young Yuri sounded when asking this, and then it hit him. Yuri was shaken, and probably scared, by what he had just dreamed of. 'I hope this doesn't affect his Rostelecom Cup performance' Otabek thought before continuing to tell Yuri pleasant stories until an hour later when he heard the Russian begin to snore.