First Impression Reviews- CLOSED

INFO

Why first impression reviews?

A few times a week I notice threads started where the writer want to know how to gain reads and how to get their book out there. 

There are all sorts of ways to get the book or yourself noticed by potential readers, but that's all it will be. You can do all these things that will get people to click on your name, but they aren't readers until you impress them. 

As a member of this site, I click on people who grab my attention in the threads. After that, I look at their profile, then their books. 

I don't review the book, I review from the eyes of a potential reader. You have through the first chapter to impress me or lose me completely. I'm here to tell you if the writing is ready for you to seek out readers. 

The form

In the next chapter you will find the form. 

1) You may ask, 'why age?' That is because if someone is thirteen, I may be more forgiving if they can't seem to string a sentence together. If you're in your twenties, you should either know that shit or probably shouldn't be opening yourself up the the evils of the internet. 

You can be somewhat vague by saying 'early twenties', but if you leave it blank or say that you don't want to give that info, I will skip over your book and move onto the next. This isn't your social security number or credit card information. 

2) Additional information is more telling me if you are writing in your second or third language. 

I'm not interested in hearing that you wrote the book when you were eleven, so it's kind of terrible. If you think it's terrible, don't get it reviewed. 

3) If you want EVERYTHING reviewed, list every item to be reviewed. If you say, 'I want the whole thing reviewed' or something to that effect, I will assume that you didn't read anything and are asking me to review your whole book because it isn't very long. 

4) I do not review anything passed the first chapter. 

What do you need to do to get reviewed?

Fill out the form correctly/as requested. That's it. If you want to read my book, go for it. If you don't, that's fine too. I do NOT need comments on the first three chapters. I give my reviews because I'm a naturally opinionated person. 

There is no payment, which is why I may take a bit longer than some others.

Images

The images in the chapter are usually ones I've made. The early ones are crap. The later ones are me practicing covers because I'm new at them and want to improve. If there is no image on the book, it's because the book didn't give me enough of a vibe to make one. 

If you would like the image that appears in your chapter, it is free of charge (just give me credit). However, you will have to walk me through how to get it to you. 

The only time I will publish the authors cover is when it is glorious. 

When am I nice?

If you know me and want a review that's like everyone else's, it probably won't happen. I'll review, but I am incapable of being as up front with people I have a relationship with. That's not to say that if you got a good review, you didn't earn it. It means that if I point out flaws, it will probably be phrased differently/ in a gentler way. 

When am I mean/snarky?

Profile- If you are sarcastic with reader or if you don't appear to respect the written word (no capitalization or punctuation). 

Cover- If it appeares that you just copied a picture from google and that was that. If you don't capitalize the title (normally I can handle it, but a lowercase 'i' will make me cringe.

Blurbs- When there basically isn't one. When half is an excerpt that shows us a generic scene. When it's littered with typos.

First Chapter- Alarm clock. Constant mistakes. Dialogue tags attached to most every piece of dialogue. Characters who annoy the shit out of me. Overuse of exclamation points. All caps for a piece of the writing.

Other- A rewritten, threatening copyright. Something similar to chapter hostage. A seeming disinterest to have readers point out flaws. 

What if you come back for another review?

Then I'll happily do it, but it will all go into one chapter in the book.

How long does a review take?

Could take a couple of days, could take two or three weeks. 

How do you know when it's finished?

I will give you a check mark comment ✔ on your form. I will also comment your name on the chapter. 

Yes, dedication would make sense, but when I click to for that dedicate, add cast list, the list sinks to the bottom and I can't get to any of the options. 

Additional info

Reviews will never be taken down. 

If your first chapter receives an 'A', it will be put on the public review reading list on my profile. 

~If you have any questions, either message me or ask me on this chapter. The next chapter is for the form ONLY.~