Help Me (Peterick AU) [COMPLETED]

11

Pete's POV

Dr Williams has been asking me to do this for years but I never really wanted to. She says going back to high school will help me get over my fear of people and make me less scared of being around men. I don't know if she's right though because there will be so many people around that could hurt me and it'll be hard.

It won't just be one guy there that I can stay away from or learn to trust. It'll be hundreds of them who are all bigger and stronger then me and anyone of them could hurt me. I'd rather stay in the hospital for the rest of my life, spending time with Brendon and Ryan and cuddling with Patrick. They're safe and I know none of them will hurt me but I don't know that about other people.

Despite me refusing for so long Dr Wiliams really thinks it's a good idea. I thought she'd let it go because of how badly I don't want it but just when I thought she gave up, she brings Patrick into it. One day I walk into therapy and there he is waiting with her and she tries to convince me it's a good idea. Patrick's nice and when he seems I'm uncomfortable he backs down but she still tries for it.

Patrick told me about high school and that made me not want to go even more. It was horrible for him and he got bullied all the time, he even tried to kill himself 9 times because of that place.

Here I know everyone and most people know me so I know that no ones going to hurt me. There's not many men here and all the ones that are here usually stay away from me so I'm not too scared. There's male teachers at high school so I'll have to be near them and talk to them and let them touch me, I can't do that. The teenagers aren't good either, it's not like here where people are accepting and have mental health issues too. People are bullies and they'll hurt me, I know they will. If they hurt someone like Patrick who's perfect and kind and amazing then of course they'll bully me.

I'm basically in tears by the time Dr Williams stops pushing and let's Patrick wrap me in his arms to calm me down. He's been so good to me and I wish I could be good back.

I wish I could let him get in a relationship with me because he's said he wants it and told me he likes me but how can I? My last relationship ended me here and I don't want to screw things up. I have friends who care for me and I can't ruin that, Ryan's stuck with me but Brendon and Patrick could leave. On the other hand though if I don't let Patrick date me and let him have me the way he wants me he could leave because of it. Brendon will stick by Patrick because it's his job and because he's Patrick's friend so he'll be gone too. I don't want to loose 2 out of my 3 friends just because I can't let one of them date me.

I haven't known Patrick long but I care about him so much. I know he's asexual so I hope there won't be pressure for anything physical but maybe Patrick will end up wanting it. I'm not asexual so I don't know what he feels or what might happen in the future. Maybe he'll realise that he does want sex from me and he'll try and get it, I can't go through that again.

Patrick's my best friend apart from Ryan and I don't want to be scared of him. I can't deal with constantly being terrified if I do force myself to sleep with him. I don't want to do anything intimate like that but I also don't want to constantly be stressed out about telling him no. One of my biggest fears right now is what he might do if I say no too many times. No one takes rejection well and if I don't give myself the opportunity to say no then maybe he won't hurt me.

As Patrick hugs me I just let myself cry into his shoulder as he holds me tight in his arms. He's good to me and I know he'll treat me good and be the perfect boyfriend but I can't. The only time bad things happen is when things change, if everything stays the way it is now things will be good.

I'm sobbing like a stupid weak child but Pete holds me close and tries to comfort me. Usually being in his arms makes me way calmer but now I'm just too stressed for it to be much good. Plus he's one of the things stressing me out so him being here kind of just makes things harder.

Patrick holds me until there's a stain on his shirt then cups my face in his hands with a smile "Please calm down baby you're ok, you're all ok here, no ones going to make you do anything you're not ready for"

He's just so understanding and nice to me even when I'm being dramatic and I don't know what to do with myself. I really don't deserve this kindness and to have someone care about me so much. Somehow though I've gotten lucky and got Patrick so I try to calm down to make him happy.

When my tears stop Patrick gets tissues to help clean up my face like the angel he is. I probably look like a red blotchy mess but Patrick's still so sweet to me and pulls me into his arms again.

Dr Williams must see how hard this whole thing is for me so she gives up on the idea. Her and Patrick both reassure me that they won't force me and that I wouldn't be alone if I did do it before moving on.

My normal sessions are usually pretty personal and I could never do that with Patrick here so she lets us go early. It's not like I haven't seen her hundreds of times over the years so one session isn't a big deal.

After spending the rest of the afternoon with Patrick I eventually give in. He's not talking about it or pressuring me at all but I can't help wanting to agree to anything me says. It's obvious he agreed with Dr Williams and thinks it'd be good for me so maybe I should do it. At least if I do then after its a disaster they'll never bug me about it again.

When I say I'm considering saying yes to going back to school Patrick seems very shocked but goes along with it. He asks me again and again if it's really what I want until he's sure I really do. I'm infinitely grateful when he promises him and Ryan will come with me for support because that'll make it way easier. They're two of the people I love most and I completely trust them. It might be one of the worst times of my life but at least I'll have them to cheer me up.

When Ryan turns up Patrick whispers to him about the idea then Ryan runs off to tell Dr Williams. She's probably just as shocked as Ryan and Patrick but she's probably also glad I finally caved. I don't want her to think using Patrick to guilt me into something is a good thing to do but it does work. I'll do almost anything for him so using him is really manipulative but also almost guaranteed to work.

To distract me from the huge thing I just agreed to Patrick plays board games with me all afternoon. Over time Brendon and Ryan join in but all I care about is that Patrick's holding me and willing to help me heal.