Help Me (Peterick AU) [COMPLETED]

18

Patrick's POV

This stress is really not helpful right now. Pete has to go to trial and see the men who hurt him in only a week and he's constantly stressed so I feel awful for him. I'm stressed just thinking about it so I can only imagine how bad he must be feeling about having to do this. He has to relive everything in front of the people who did it and let people judge him on it.

Stress doesn't do good things to me so every time I'm not with Pete I'm just trying not to hurt myself. I've never handled bad emotions well and usually cutting is the only way to get rid of the stress. Pete doesn't need that though, he doesn't need to be worried about me when he's the one having all this happen in his life.

One night when I almost can't stop myself doing something stupid I end up at Pete's door. I quietly knock and hope he's not asleep and won't mind me coming for a little while.

He's yawning and his eyes are thick with sleep when he opens the door and I can't help but sigh at how cute he is. "Hey Pete I'm sorry, I just wanted to see you"

Pete gives me a little smile "You don't need to check up on me, I'm ok". That's obviously a lie but that's not even the reason I came so I quickly shake my head "I know, I just needed to see you, do you mind me being here?"

In answer Pete grabs my hand and pulls me into his room. We cuddle up in bed and Pete lies his legs over my lap which is the cutest thing.

Pete doesn't seem mad that I woke him up which I'm really glad about. With everything going on, having a fight would be the last thing either of us want right now.

Pete's not pressuring me to say anything but I really want to be able to open up to him. I know burdening him with my problems isn't good but I want to at least be able to tell him things. He's my boyfriend and I know he loves me so he'd want me to be able to talk about anything I need. Dr Williams said it'd help us if we open up to each other and after all the opening up Pete's done I should do some too. Maybe it'll just make things worse but he should know I trust him and want him to know everything.

To distract myself I run a hand through Pete's hair then stutter out "I... I came here because I wanted to hurt myself, you make it stop". Pete doesn't reply so I keep playing with Pete's hair and pick at a loose thread on his blanket.

Last time I hurt myself Pete got really mad and I'm terrified that'll happen again. This time though Pete sinks against me and runs a hand over the scars on my forearm "Thank you for coming, I'm always here and I want to help you. I might not be the most helpful or fun or anything but I love you and I'll do whatever I can. You're my favourite person and I don't want you to hurt, please stay safe for me"

When he opens his arms I crawl into them and wrap my body around his. We shuffle around until we're lying together in his bed, all of our bodies pressed together and my head against his chest. I've done this for Pete a couple of times but I kind of love him doing it for me too. I've never been a huge fan of being held and cuddled but with Pete it's the best feeling. He's so small and gentle but he still makes me feel so warm and protected which I love.

I wonder if he's ever cuddled like this and been so close to someone before because I never have. Casual relationships are so different from this because this isn't just some quick romance or I'd be fine with loosing. I care for Pete so much, he's the first person to make me believe that self harming makes pain worse not better.

Pete probably has cuddled like this but hopefully this is different. Being forcibly held by someone after they forced you to have sex is so different to choosing to be in someone's arms. He's chosen to be in mine and said he wants me here which means a lot to me. I hope this is so much better than letting someone touch him just because it's the least violent of his two options.