Chapter: 32- Picking up the Pieces
A/N👑: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, it took a lot of writing and rewriting, but I guess it's finally in a place where I am happy enough with it for now... I'll probably go back later and rewrite this for the thousandth time, but for now thank you all for (patiently) waiting for this chapter to come out, it means a lot to me that most of you are still here after the recent hiatus' I seem to be taking. BUT once again I am here to inform you that Through Your Eyes will pretty soon come to an end, and I've always been horrible at finishing stories...sorry.
The song is Brave Enough, by Lindsey Stirling ft. Christina Perri
⚠WARNING THIS MAY BE HARD TO READ AT PARTS, IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE EATING DISORDERS, DO NOT READ⚠
❤Sarah's POV❤
I couldn't get the voices to go away. No matter what I tried they just kept on repeating over and over, like a broken record. Or maybe I was just the one that was broken.
James hadn't talked to me after what he said. And now all I could think about was the look on his face when I told him to leave. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why couldn't you just say it back? Why couldn't you admit it? Why did you have to be so stupid and ruin everything? Why couldn't you stop torturing yourself with these thoughts...
Do you even love him? Do you even know what love is? I was interrupted from my thoughts when my mother entered the room carrying a tray of food. "Hey Sarah, I brought you breakfast. You didn't eat last night." She came to sit the tray of food in front of me on the night stand, sitting down on the bed beside me.
I was still in the dress I wore yesterday, and not to mention I was so out of it I didn't even bother putting my hair up so it was probably a nest on my head. But who cares, I had more pressing matters on my mind than how I looked right now, it was probably the same as how I always looked; fat and ugly. Ugly and fat.
I don't know what it was, but I could tell my mother knew something was wrong with me. Something that was bothering me besides the fact that Franny had told her what had been happening at school. Even though I was curled up on my side and she most likely couldn't even get a good look at my face she could tell, her hand slowly beginning to rub circles in my back like she did to comfort me while I was sick when I was little.
"Darling, do you want to talk about it? What's bothering you?" Her voice was soft...concerned, and such a change from her usual loud and excited one. A voice that made me realize just how bad I had messed things up. How could she not know what was wrong with me? It seemed lately everyone knew everything, and it wasn't because I told them. But either way, she was my mother, and when she called out offering help, I was prone to grasp it.
"Ma-" I couldn't even get the sentence out before my voice was already cracking, my throat closing up as I forced myself to remember. "-I. I r-really messed up t-this time." I hadn't even bothered to turn to face her, but I knew she knew I was crying. It was probably her motherly instinct, yet she didn't even flinch before she was cuddled up behind me, her arm turning me towards her as she pulled me to her chest. Wrapping her arms around me she let one continue to comfortably rub circles in my back while the other one swept the birds nest from in front of my head.
"Oh Sarah, my baby, it's going to be alright. Shh, it's alright..." We stayed like that for a while, it wasn't until finally my sobs had calmed down and I was just lying in her arms did she speak again. "What... happened?"
I sighed, honestly my mind was so messed up right now even I was having trouble processing what exactly had occurred. "He...he said he l-loved m-me...." I know if this was a different timing, if it was maybe not so close to the beginning of our relationship, if I wasn't crying my eyes out my mother would've taken this news completely different. Maybe she would've grasped me in a hug just a tight as the one she held me in now, maybe she would've jumped up screaming, maybe she would've shouted for glee. But now, as she lay holding me, she stroked my back soothingly while I stared into nothingness, processing the feel of his promise ring on my finger, clasping the necklace he'd given around my throat.
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Through Your Eyes {On Hiatus!}
Teen Fiction(Previously known as: The Life of the Bullied) ~How can you say you love someone, when you can't even love yourself?~ "I love you, Sarah Emilia Hall." "I-I think you should leave." I could literally see the life drain out of his eyes when I sa...