(Previously known as: The Life of the Bullied)
~How can you say you love someone, when you can't even love yourself?~
"I love you, Sarah Emilia Hall."
"I-I think you should leave." I could literally see the life drain out of his eyes when I sa...
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Stepping out into the cold morning air I began to make the trek towards the school. I had spent most of my weekend antagonizing over the school day to come, and worrying about what I was going to do when I saw James. I was just glad that I saw neither of those things on my walk to the school.
I'd decided on wearing black jeans with a nice black shirt that had patterns of gold design around it and some plain gold flats. Simple, I know I just wasn't looking forward to the attention everyone would no doubt have on me, and trying to lie low on what caused me to be noticed even more was a very big priority as of right now.
I'd stupidly left my jacket at home, thinking I'd just don the one I left at school when I got there, and now I was regretting it as I walked through the chilly streets, holding my arms as I watched my breath fog out in front of me.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I just make the best decisions eyes ever don't I?! Might as well wear some shorts so I can make it a fashion statement. But then again the other day I swore Isaw one of Brittany's fake friends wearing a miniskirt and halter top. Man the stupid things these girls do to look good, what are they, immune to the cold?!
Shivering I rubbed my arms as my teeth began to chatter, hoping that I would arrive at the school where they amazingly had heat before I froze.
And I did the only thing I knew how to do when trying to take my mind off of something. I looked down, trying to forget of the cold weather, but I only succeeded in upsetting myself.
Looking down I could make out the ends of my feet as I walked, sucking in my gut a little I could see my thighs and legs, but I couldn't do that forever.
It just proved that my stomach was too big to see over. I bet if I was like the pretty and skinny girls Iwould be able to see my legs without sucking my stomach in all the time. I bet ifI was skinny peoplewouldn'tbully me at school and I would have boys looking at me too.
The only people who talk to me are the nerds and the teachers, maybe one of the popular kids, but only when they need help in class with something. James will be just the same,no one wants to be with a girl like me. I can't even come to like myself.
I decided to just walk, there was no need to stay where I was and suffer. After a while of walking I grew tired, slowing down from the fast pace I had created before I began to slowly drag myself along. I don't know what possessed me to walk today, I should've just had dad drop me off, or Sam...
But there was no use in fretting over it now, breathing in deeply I continued my trek to the school, wishing I could stop the whole time. It wasn't until I was in about the same unsafe area I was near on Friday did I really begin to wear out, having to stop every few minutes to calm my breathing down what little I could.
"Need help Angel?" Shocked as his deep raspy voice came out of nowhere I jumped, holding my hand over my heart in fright. Looking directly at him I saw James, holding his passenger door open in invitation for me to come. Shocked I stared at him, I hadn't even heard his car come up and I honestly didn't know if I should accept his offer after what had happened the last time I was in a car with him, but with a final look around I could tell it would be a long walk to school so I hopped into his car. He didn't start driving until I had buckled my seat belt, my tired breathing filling the relatively quiet car with sound.
Thankfully he had the heat turned on in his car, and after the time I had in the cold I decided to just bask in the warmth. After a while of silence, my breathing had stabilized to the point I wasn't sounding like a dying dog and I sighed, looking out the window. It was then I realized the mistake I had made by getting in the car with James. We'd be going to school together, we would be seen, getting out his car on campus, ...together. Oh crap, I'm literally screwed. If they see me together with James, then my bullying will no doubt be getting worse. Not wanting that to happen I immediately began to panic, staring at James with the horror of it all.
"James! Oh my gosh, James!" He looked frightened, stepping on the brakes as he turned to me worry written all on his face. Slowly he turned the car, parking it against the curb of the road before looking back at me once again.
"What? Is something wrong?" Nervously he pulled at the collar of his shirt, exposing a little of his tattooed skin to my wandering eyes.
"James, you don't understand. You, me, we, we can't go to school together." Sad I looked down at my lap playing with my hands as I waited for him to admit to this, well whatever it was he was doing and drop me off somewhere, leaving me to walk the rest of the way.
"What are you talking about Sarah?" James was once again wearing his normal disgusted face, his eyes staring at me with the hint of anger in them, making me feel a little nervous. His green eyes stared at me, their intense gaze unnerving me as I gulped under his watchful scrutiny.
"You know James, if you were to go to the school with me you will be judged and bullied right alongside me." Honestly even though no one had ever really tried to help me when I was getting bullied I wished nothing like the mess I went through on my worst enemies. No matter what exactly had happened between me and them. I had once again settled my head in the crook of my neck, looking down at my hands in depression.
"Look at me, Angel please." That silly name he'd given me not but two days ago quickly drew my attention, my gaze snapping to him in a matter of seconds. He was still looking at me with that intense gaze, now softened a little with understanding but rough around the edges in dare I saw determination. "Does it look like I care about what others think of me? Does it look like someone could even remotely think of bullying me, and better yet does it look like I have the intention of letting you go anytime soon?"
Gulping I stared at him, his questions were easy enough, though I couldn't find it in me to answer neither one of them. I was way too self-conscious to even think of labeling myself as someone important enough to him that he would change himself like this for me. That he'd be ready for everyone's impression of him to be tarnished, people to judge him, and him to actually stay with me, though I knew not in which way. As a friend? Maybe something more?
So in response to his questions I showed him my confused expression. The questions practically burning me inside at how badly I wanted the answers and my heart clenching in worthless hope. It wasn't like it was true. So I finally decided, shrugging my shoulders as I went back to staring at my hands.
"You really don't know?" His tone sounded thoughtful, a little bit of a warning to make up my mind and confirm a final answer showing through. And finally I nodded my head, waiting for him to kick me out of his car and make me walk the rest of the way to school. Though what happened next shocked me to the core, my thoughts and predictions being thrown completely off tract as he went in and changed the world around me.
"I'd hoped you would say that Angel." And then James so slowly and carefully reached over, grasping my chin and turning my face towards him. When I looked to see what he was doing I was shocked to see how close his face was to mine, and when he saw my surprised face he smirked, winking at me before crossing the last boundary between us and sinking into unknown territory as he leaned impossibly closer to me until he had done the unthinkable.
I, Sarah Hall, was just kissed by James Black one of the most popular boys in our school and the worst part, yeah, he stole my first kiss.
**** Authors Note:
Yay, so I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines Day (if you celebrate) and hopefully enjoyed this chapter. Please COMMENT&VOTE and comment below what you would like to see happen in this book! Those who do and I find interesting enough will win and you might see your idea threaded into the story line of this.
