Through Your Eyes {On Hiatus!}

Realizations

Chapter: 40- Realizations

A/N👑: So really the only thing to say is that after planning the ending of this book I have a while to go. I really am only going to need at most fifteen more chapters, again AT MOST, so do not expect that much longer until this story is completed. That being said, soon I am going to be posting the PRIVATE CHAPTER for the sexy time scene between James and Sarah. I just want to reiterate that to view this chapter you're going to have to be FOLLOWING me, I do not mind if you only follow me to access the chapter and then unfollow me. Honestly, it is up to you. Also once again this will be the first time I have written anything like this so do not have your hearts set upon the smut of the year, trust me you will be disappointed. Anywho getting back to the chapter I do hope you enjoy it and please, continue on and if you do enjoy this chapter do not forget to COMMENT&VOTE please!

The song is Nervous, by The Neighbourhood

4742 Words.

❤ Sarah's POV❤

After the weekend with James my mind was in overdrive. I couldn't get over the fact that I finally realized that I loved him. It seemed really stupid that I was freaking out about such a trivial, okay maybe it wasn't so trivial, topic, but this was the first time I'd ever felt like this for someone in my life. Actually, James was many of my firsts. Even though I knew that he felt the same to me, we were in a stable relationship, and I could always share my thoughts and feelings with him it scared me to admit how I felt to not only him, but myself as well.

All I could think about was what if something went wrong? What if James woke up one day and realized what he thought he felt for me was just a fluke. What if we broke up? And what if one day he found someone prettier than me? It would break me to give James my heart, to invest everything into this relationship with him, only to be heartbroken if it didn't work out. Logically I could tell myself that James wouldn't dare to hurt me, he always put himself before me, valued my needs, looked out for me and more.

Logically I could tell myself that James was an amazing boyfriend. He really really cared for me, he'd shown his love and unwavering devotion on many occasions, and I knew that wasn't going to change anytime soon, yet the illogical part of my brain couldn't wrap my mind around these thoughts.

Instead I found myself pointing out every flaw I had, every scar, every stretch mark, every curve, and every twisted thought I had. It pointed out how James wouldn't be happy with someone who doubted themselves every time something went wrong, and worried constantly over the way they looked and if he still desired them. I shook my head, knowing that my distorted thinking was only due to my insecurities and tried to piece together everything in my mind in a way that wouldn't end with me chickening out.

I really wanted to tell James the way I felt about him. He deserved to know that his feelings were reciprocated, after everything he'd done for me honestly I believed he deserved the world. I was just glad that he wasn't here now, otherwise he'd be sure to ask what was on my mind. For some reason he always seemed to know when something was bothering me, it was very sweet but I was positive I wouldn't be able to tell him if he asked now. I quickly went to my locker, gathering all the materials I needed for class, before heading off to class, hoping I would get there before the tardy bell.

I'd literally taken two steps before I was almost tackled into the lockers, a muscular arm wrapping around my shoulder. Huffing I quickly swiped Kyle's arm off of me, continuing on my way.

"Aww Sarah, don't be like that!" I took a moment to glare at Kyle. Honestly, he wasn't that bad looking. He was taller than myself, almost reaching six foot, with gorgeous brown eyes, and he was very fit as well. Although, he wasn't even half of what I thought of James, and he would never be. To me Kyle was only a friend, and a friend he would stay, forever. I only shook my head at him, tsking while I rearranged all of the materials in my hands.