who the hell are you?
are you this... thing?
this thing you were born?
the thing your mother did, along with your perverted father,
this thing that was given life, and you better be fucking grateful
this thing that everyone knows already, who has it's name burned behind their eyelids, and it won't ever change
or... are you THAT thing?
that thing you came up with one lonely night,
when you were crying over spilled liquor in a baby bottle
that thing NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT
and no one ever will
that thing that has no meaning
just a title you like to say
to feel special
that thing that makes you happy only for a little bit,
but soon disappears when this thing is called
because it's all fake anyway
WHO ARE YOU?
ARE YOU JAHDA?
ARE YOU AIDEN?
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
you can't be aiden
SHE doesn't want them
she doesn't like them
and that means she doesn't like you
so, because she gave you life, and you wouldn't be here because of her, you have to stay the same for her
or, god, pick a name close to THIS one
for fuck's sake,
please everyone else but yourself
that's all you're good for anyway
picking up the broken pieces people left behind, for you to come and clean them up
no one WANTS to pick up your smashed pieces
so be a good little girl,
and stick to the program.
SO, ASKING ONE MORE TIME-
WHO ARE YOU?
i... i'm both...
in a way
not two different personalities, and not two different people
i'm me... still
i just... don't feel the same as she did when i was born
i'm still the baby wrapped in that pink minnie mouse blanket, only a few days old when my first picture was taken
i'm still the little toddler running around the pizzeria on my first birthday
i'm not anyone different
so why does a name i feel more comfortable with... change all that?
why does what i want to be called change any of that?
i can still be the mentally troublesome, scared teenager living in the basement
i can still be the asshole who yells at drunken monsters
i can still be the silly little fairy who kicks people in the face by accident
i can still be all of that... but with a different name
and even then, if she listens, i don't think i'll be comfortable with that name
i'm not comfortable with either
because with this name, i feel shoved into a box she's always wanted me to be in, but just never closed it tight enough for it to stay that way
and with that name, i feel like a failure
a child wishing to be someone else when i promise i'm not
so until i figure all of this out
until i figure out what to do with my own life,
how about you go fuck yourself?
