it's crazy, actually
how despite the pain i'm sitting here, crying
because of you
because i thought you would be different
i thought i wouldn't have to worry anymore because you had me
you had me, you did
i was yours and nothing would've changed that
i cared so much, put so much forward for you
only for you to wave it away as if it were nothing
like my feelings meant the dirt to you and you only kept me around for laughs
i don't understand and maybe i never will but, was it worth it?
what was your end goal? why did you do it? why did i lose you? why can't i have you anymore?
and why the fuck am i missing you right now? why the fuck am i crying over you?
you don't deserve it. you never deserved my tears, my worry, or my love. because you were something so incredibly important to me. something so special. i never lied when i said i never felt this way about anyone else. you were something to new to me and i loved caring so much for you.
so why am i sitting here, bawling my eyes out and struggling to breathe when i shouldn't? you lost me. so why am i feeling like i lost you?
why do i still love you?
my head aches when i think about you. my heart breaks whenever i see you and my stomach drops when you notice me.
i hate still caring for you. i really do.
i hate that i don't hate you,
most of all i hate that there's still some part of me that wishes you would call me again,
to tell me you'll change when i know you won't
i'm addicted to the words you'd tell me, the way you'd made me feel.
i'm still intoxicated with you.
