just last night, i sat in my dark room at nine pm and cried,
convincing myself that suicide was the only option
because im sad and pathetic and a problem to everyone i meet.
im a disturbance in their peace and i never meant to be this way
i rocked back and forth, sobbed out, "its okay, its okay. it'll only hurt for a minute, its okay."
my head hurt and my eyes hurt and my body hurt and even my mind hurt
everything hurt and i wanted it to go away
i wanted to go away
i was scared of the pain but a few seconds later and i wouldn't.
i would've gone upstairs, grabbed the biggest knife i could, and let myself finally go to sleep
everything would be so much clearer if i were gone
that's what i told myself
no one would be sad or mad anymore because of me
and that's all i want
for the people i love,
to be happy
[04/30/17]
