Shackled and Broken

FRIENDS

      After I was done sobbing, Jasper gave me another shower to feel “clean” and gave me some of his clothes to wear. Although, they were too small so I decided to just wear a pair of his pajama pants with boxers. The pajamas had small cats with stars over them. All of Jasper’s clothes were childish. I have no idea if it was just him or if his cousin insisted on it.

                I came down the stairs and stopped at the door way.  Jasper sat on the couch watching SpongeBob, eating a strawberry pop tart while swinging his legs back and forth. He's acting like this is so normal for him. Slowly, I made my way up to the couch. A certain floor board I stepped on creaked. Jasper whipped his head around and smiled weakly. "H-hi!” He chirped, “you can sit down if you want."        
        "Where's Prudence?"         
        "I kicked him out for a while. Don't worry."        
        "Y-you kicked out Prudence?" Jasper nodded, “this is my house. If I don't want Prudence here I can kick him out."         
        "But you're like what, fourteen?"        
        "Sixteen." He corrected me. "Oh, okay." He patted the seat next to him. I walked around the couch and awkwardly sat next to him. "M-my clothes seem to fit you okay." I looked down at the pajamas Jasper had me wear. "They're a little tight but it works. Thanks." He smiled and stared at the screen.  I shuffled my feet and stared down at my hands. "So,  are we just going to pretend this is alright?"         
        "What do you mean?" I looked over at Jasper as he did the same to me. "I could be, I don't know, attacking you or something! Make my escape while you're unconscious!" Jasper heaved a sigh, "there's the door." He said, pointing to the front. I gawked, "are you serious?" He nodded. I wanted to take the opportunity to leap out of my seat and dash for the door, but I stayed frozen in place. I couldn't move an inch. I was terrified to walk out that door. "I can't," I whispered. Jasper peered over and smiled kindly. "Cause Prudence is out there, right?" I nodded. Jasper nodded in reply. "I know how that is. After what happened to me when I was twelve, I couldn't leave for weeks. I was scared you would be out there waiting for me." Guilt rose up as tears welled in my ears. "I'm sorry," I choked, wiping tears away.         
        Suddenly, Jasper did something I never suspected. He hugged me and just stayed that way. "W-what are you doing?" I asked confused. "It really is okay, Seth. He won't hurt you again, I promise and I know you won’t hurt me. We'll be like friends now-" I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away from me. "We… We are not friends, Jasper. I'm not in any way your friend." We sat in silence. I don't want to be his friend. It would be way too awkward and I just don't want that. Jasper reached over and held my hand. I stood up and backed away from him. "Stop trying to be nice to me! Just stop!"        
        "But-!”         
        "No! I don't want this! Just leave me alone!" I ran to the kitchen and stopped in front on a sliding glass down, unlocking it and pulling it open. "Seth wait!" As I opened it, I ran outside into the cold dusk air. The pool flowed calmly back and forth. Which I never knew they had! "Seth please!"  Jasper pleaded.        
        "Look! I don't want the nice act! I don't want to have you pretend to be nice just so we don't feel awkward about the fact that I raped you!"        
        "I-it's not a-about that. Please just listen!" I shook my head, walking back and forth. "You might just let Prudence back in the house to kill me once I let my guard down."        
        "Seth," Jasper gawked, "I wouldn't do that. Just sit down okay? You're being paranoid."        
        "Am I!" I yelled, "Am I being paranoid!"        
        "Hush! Please be quiet!” 
          "Why be quiet!? Will I wake your friendly neighbors? They aren’t even close to your house! No wonder someone hasn’t even called the cops! They are so far, they can’t hear me screaming! How about we go say "hi" shall we?"        
        "Seth don't," he gasped, clasping my arm. Fear overwhelmed me. "Don't touch me," I wailed, throwing him to the ground. Jasper gasped in pain and surprise as I held him down. "S-stop," he choked. My eyes grew wide as I realized what I was doing. I slowly let off him, my hands just hovering over his body only a few centimeters away. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sor-"         
        I was tackled into the pool. Someone literally rammed into me, having us both fly in the water. I tried swimming to the surface for air but the person held me under. I thrashed around, fighting for my lungs to breath. The more I fought, the more they pushed me under. I stopped for a moment.
        What if this could be it for me? No more paranoia or delusions. No more having to deal with the guilt. No more anything. Just darkness... My arms and legs floated aimlessly under the water as I began to sink. Air bubbles were rising to the surface I couldn't reach. I want this to be my end. No more pain. My eyes fluttered closed as water filled my lungs. I want to die. If I die here and now, no one will have to worry anymore. My horrors will finally…be over…