Far Away From Here

Glass House

    It had been almost three weeks since Louis had me pushed against the brick wall outside the dingy pub. He had not made one advancement towards me that would indicate any romantic interest. Just as I had thought, he was drunk, I was there. However, right now I was wishing more than anything something would have worked out. As I was shaking my head viciously at Jonas. "No, nope, not going to happen."

"C'mon Wen, he is so fit." My best friend jutted out him sought-after bottom lip, his eyes sagging downward. Doing anything to convince me to side with him.

"Exactly! He will not go for me. I am not going out with some guy from your work. End of discussion."

"No not end of the discussion, Marcus is so fit and I know more than anyone how much you need to get some. Just go on one small date with him, you can even go to the movies so you don't even have to talk."

"Then what's the point, just to say I went on a date." Besides my extreme insecurities, he would see me and run away. I also had never been on a date before and call me a dumb, hopeless romantic but I wanted it to be special. Not with some guy named Marcus who worked IT at Jonas' job. On the other side, if Jonas says he's cute- he's cute.

"Please Wendy, I think this could be something." Knowing I was in combat without the proper armor, I nodded my head rolling my eyes.

"Fine but you've lost your privileges convincing me to do something stupid for the rest of the year!"

Come Friday night, I left work thirty minutes passed when I was scheduled. Eagerly helping the men out with anything they needed. I even organized the broom closet for them. Anything to push me meeting Marcus at the theater. Last night, Jonas and I stalked through his social presence and Jonas was right he was really cute. I started to get a bit more excited about the "date", and the fact that Jonas said he talked me up was easing my mind. At least he thought I was cool going into it. However, he was into a rude awakening when he would meet me. Ten thirty-nine struck and I was outside the theater pulling my coat tighter to my body. I swear I was told to get here at ten-thirty since the movie started quarter to eleven. Yet, my date had not arrived. Not wanting to miss him I stood in the freezing air scanning the people who passed through me. When I glanced at my phone one last time it was ten forty-five, maybe he was inside waiting for me? He could have taken another door or somehow got here before me and went inside. I bought a ticket and walked into the theater- but to no luck, I did not see him. 

The realization that I was just stood up spread through my body like wildfire. Realizing I had just bought an eleven-dollar ticket, I made my way to the back and sat down watching the action movie that Marcus had picked out. I tried to keep my sniffles at bay, but as I walked home in the midnight air I could not help but let the tears fall down my face, freezing at the base.

Fergie lied, big girls, do cry.

When I entered the flat, Jonas' was sitting there with a woman wrapped in his arms. He turned to me smiling but as soon as he noticed my expression he sprung up almost causing the woman to hit her cheek on the plush couch."What happened?"

"Nothing happened," I spoke quietly, pulling my coat, scarf and toque off in exhaustion.

"What do you mean? Was he a cunt to you, cause' I swear I will-"

"No, he was not a cunt because he never showed."

"What? Why would he not show? He was so excited I told him how kind and funny you were. That just doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't matter. I'm just so used to men running away from me when they see me. He didn't even know what I looked like. I guess my personality is scaring them away now too." I started to make my way to the kitchen, ready to make myself a hard gin and tonic. When I was met from silence by Jonas' I turned around to see him sheepishly looking at his feet.

"What did you do?" I integrated, knowing that face anywhere.

"No, well I, okay I did show him what you looked like. You knew what he looked like so I sent him a photo this afternoon. But I mean that had nothing to do with why he didn't show. Here I'll text him he probably got caught up with something at work or maybe his cat died."

"You what?" I hissed "What photo did you send him?"

"You know that one I took of you last week at the grocery store and you're holding up the aubergine? That one. I thought it was funny."

"Are you kidding me? I looked disgusting in that photo, I refused to let you post it on Instagram, why would you think I would want that sent to a boy?"

"It's not that big a deal Wen. If he did not go because he didn't like a photo then you don't need that type of man in your life." I could see where he was coming from, but I was so blinded by humiliation and anger I couldn't see anything rational.

"Not a big deal? Of course, you wouldn't understand! How do you think I felt standing there all alone like a fucking loser. You didn't even give him the chance to see me in person, then make his judgment. This is why I didn't want to go on this stupid date and along with your stupid plan." I divulged, only noticing I was crying when I lifted my hand to wipe away a piece of hair that was fallen and then back of my hand became instantly wet.

"I was just trying to help Wendy! For God's sake, you barely associate with the opposite sex.""Well sorry that I'm such a fat fuck and I am just self-aware that men don't want to associate with me."

"No one gives a fuck that you're fat except you!" as soon as the words left his mouth, he instantly slammed his hand across his mouth realizing what he had just said. In our couple of years of friendship, he had never acknowledged that I was fat. He would always tell me I just had a curvy body and someday I would find a guy who would love to sink his teeth into what I had extra. My mind bristled with negative thoughts. Had he been lying this entire time, just saying those complimentary things to spare me the heartbreak that was my appearance. I know I called myself fat but it is just different hearing someone so close to you acknowledge it. "Wen, I-I that's not what I meant. I just meant that you think your body, your insecurity controls you." I knew what he was saying was right but his statement not even thirty seconds ago was rattling in my brain still.

Without replying I dashed to my room, locking the door. I could hear Jonas' tell his lady guest it was best if she left. With the soft click of the front door, I slid in unison to the floor of my room. Letting the tears escape intensely.