SSS [III] (COMPLETED)

Part 21

I held my breath.

"A-Ano?" I asked, shocked and in doubt. Namutawi ang katanungang 'yon sa aking mga labi, unconsciously—despite the screaming fit I was having inside my head. Thank God I knew how to hide my panic very well. Namali yata ako ng dinig!

Napatuwid siya ng upo at nilingon akong muli. Dumoble nanaman 'yong kabog ng dibdib ko, para na akong sinasakal sa bilis. What the hell, diba?

Seryoso niya akong tiningnan. Again. Kailan ba umiba ang ipinupukol na mga tingin nito sa akin? Ni habang may ginagawa kaming kababalaghan ay ganoon din, dagdagan nalang ng iilang— Teka! Pinilig ko ang aking ulo to regain composure. Ang sarap murahin ng sarili ko! Why was my mind always in the gutter recently? Ganoon ba ako ka-sarap na sarap kay Franco, at—

"I think I'm starting to have feelings for you, Hunter."

This time, ay talagang narinig ko na. Loud and clear. Eye to eye.

Oh my God?

I could only gape at him, but I was screaming loudly inside my head. Oh my, God?!!

"Hindi magandang biro, Prez." I gave a breathy laughter, just so I could say something to ease the pressure in my chest. Tangina, kanina pa ako kinakabahan. Daig ko pa ang may stage fright, at wala akong ganoon!

"You know I don't joke around, Hunter." aniya.

True, ni hindi ko pa nga 'to naririnig mag-biro? Kumusta naman 'yon?

I stared at him. It wasn't my first time being confessed to. Kahit noong unang may umamin sa akin ay ningingitian ko lang, thank them for liking me, and then leave. To think I was too young then, pero alam na alam ko na kung anong gagawin. I know how rejection feels like, kaya alam ko rin kung papaano gawin 'yon gently. Now, why was I acting like this, na para akong naninibago? Was it because every experience was different?

Pero, hindi, e. If I reciprocated the guy's feelings ay diretsong kami na, or maybe I'd let him chase me some more. But, if I didn't like the guy ay talagang iiwasan ko. At hindi dahil pinandidirihan ko siya o ano, it was to let him move on and away from me, kasi ganoon 'yon. The less you see your person of interest, the less you'll feel anything for them until the feelings just voluntarily goes away. Hindi pinipilit, kusang nawawala.

So, the million-dollar question was... do I also have feelings for him?

Suddenly, I felt horrible. And for the first time after forcing him to sleep with me, I felt a pang of guilt. Bakit walang ni isa sa amin ang naka-isip na may posibilidad na magkaroon ng ganitong klaseng consequence? We had pregnancy as our outstanding issue, pero wala naman anything about feelings and emotions getting involved. Ni pahapyaw na pag-uusap tungkol doon ay walang ni-isa sa aming nag-inititate. I guess neither of us entertained even the thought of it. Kaya ito tuloy at wala kaming solusyon.

I was reeling in self-blame when I heard him sigh. Nilingon ko siya. I was to blame in all of this, at pananagutan ko 'yon. But, what should I do? What should I say? Like all the other boys I've rejected in this lifetime, should I just thank him too? Pero, paano 'yon... why should I even thank him na hindi naman ako nasiyahan sa pag-amin niya?Dapat bang, it's the thought that counts?

But, even the thought of him having feelings for me is making me feel awful. Nakakalito.

I stared at him, parang gusto kong lumuha. Nakaawang na 'yong labi ko. I was ready to thank him, and to tell him to think about this some more. I think he's just confused. Kinuha ko lang 'yong virginity niya! I didn't plan on taking his feelings with me too, dahil katawan niya lang ang habol ko. Bago lang itong lahat sa kanya. Nalilito lang siya!