These Demons

Chapter Eight

"Is that all you're gonna eat?"
CC shuts up, but the others unfortunately don't.
"I'm really not very hungry," I repeat angrily, tired of all of this worry and the annoying questions.
Can't they all just cut it out already? They won't have an influence on me with their crap anyways. I know what I'm doing.
As careful as possible, my fork dives into the raw fruit salad, and because they're the lowest in calories, I start by slowly picking out the watermelon pieces and count each bite to make sure I chew each mouthful at least twenty times.
My bandmates somehow look shocked.
Hey, I know that I don't eat the way they do, but I have my reasons and they never wasted their attention on my eating habits until recently.
Their looks fill be with anxiety, but I continue to chew deliberately and try to not let them disrupt me.

Then I remember that Michael fucking Carter is also still here, munching on a bread roll with jam before getting back to what he considers work.
"Are there any more questions?" Jinxx attempts to ease the tension that's now lingering in the air because everyone stares at my bowl like they've never seen one before.

"Of course!" he cheers and I need to suppress the urge to scoff.
"Andy, there are a lot of rumors out there about you."
Are there? I don't stay up to date with all of that anymore. All of my social media profiles still exist, but I solely use them to post things related to the band to promote merch and teasers. What people say about me online is a mystery to me at the moment, and I would prefer it to stay one.

"Many claim that your physical and mental health might be in serious danger." What?
I put the fork down because my fingers have started to quiver.
Before I can hide it by putting my leather gloves back on, Jake has already noticed it and shoots me an uneasy look.
"I'm sorry, but whether Andy has personal issues is not a part of this interview," I hear him say and my jaw drops because he's so supportive.

"I understand that, but..."

"Off limits," Ashley then cuts him off.
Since when do they want to protect me? Earlier, I got the impression that they wanted to plaster their apprehensions on posters and put those in the next issue of the Alternative Press magazine.

"Don't you think the fans..."
"Didn't you hear them, man?" CC interferes. "Ask legit questions or quit it."
Wow. They're actually standing up for me. I don't know how to feel about that because on one side, it's great to know that they all have my back, but on the other, I now feel extremely uncomfortable and just want to get away from everything. Because of that, the trembling worsens.

"But the fans have a right to know!" Michael I want to strangle him Carter protests.
"To know what?!" Ashley almost shouts, making me flinch, and a few people look at us. If the ground could only swallow me whole right now.
"Whether Andy is sick and needs to go a hospital or, I don't know- maybe a loony bin? Have you looked at him and the way he..."
"What the fuck, man!" Jinxx exclaims and now they all start to fight. A waiter rushes over to hush them, and I can't be here any longer.
Without saying a word, I get up and go outside, gladly without being noticed by the others because they're so caught up in their ridiculous fight.

I'm shaking, angry, insecure, anxious and furious, and it's difficult to even light my cigarette and takes a few tries before I manage.
How dare that guy talk like that? That's none of his business!
And it had nothing to do with the interview! What is wrong with people these days? Besides, why on earth does he think I'm fucking crazy?
And did he speak the truth when saying that's what rumors has about me? Is that how people think about me? That I've lost my mind? Is all of this nothing but-

"Do you really think that's him?" I suddenly hear a female voice squeal. "Of course it is! Look at that tattoo on his neck! And the hair, the face! It has to be!" the other one whisper-yells, sounding so excited that I want to vomit.
A part of me holds on to the hope that they're talking about someone else and I'm just here too out of coincidence, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that.

"Andy? Andy Biersack?" My head leaned against the cold house wall next to the entrance of the fancy cafe, I slowly open my eyes only to see two teenage girls with hair covering half of their eyes running up to me, eyeliner applied so thickly that they both look like Ashley did back in his panda bear makeup days.
"Oh my god, it's really you!" The high pitched voices are the final straw for my headache.
"I can't believe it!" I wish I couldn't either. They're fans, they support me. I need to be nice. My biggest fake smile on my lips, I hear a way too happy to be real version of myself say, "Hey, nice to meet you!" Let's never meet again.
I have no idea what they say next because they're both screaming and cause more people to stare at me, only this time they're not sitting at tables, but passing by on the street. Maybe I should have stayed inside. This is definitely not better.

One of the girls pulls her phone from her pocket and I want to snap it in two because I know what she's going to ask me.
"Can we take a picture with you? Please? We're your biggest fans and meeting you here, that's just... I can't..." I can't either, panda bear. I can't either.
"Sure! It's always great to meet members of the BVB army," I lie convincingly.

When she turns the device on and directs it towards the three of us, her friend puts her arm around me and I feel the urge to scream, but remain calm and dig my nails into my palms instead.
I can't shake off a little fangirl of mine that's probably ten years younger than me.
When panda number one has finally finished snapping a dozen pictures that all look exactly the same, she puts the phone away and I'm afraid that my lips will now forever remain in this position because of how forcefully I had to keep them curled up.

"You really are bone thin!" the one that put her arm around me states. How sensitive and smart of her to say. Half of me cheers because of her blunt words, the other half wants to run away.
"Is it true what's being said about you then?" she curiously wants to know, her eyes sparkling from excitement. "I mean, are you-" "Kyla!" the other one interrupts the girl that now has a name, and I could kiss her for doing that.
"You can't ask him that!" she tells her friend. Can't disagree with that.
"But have you looked at him? He's-" "That's none of our business!"
Finally someone who gets it.
"Just shut up!" Kyla's girlfriend is smarter than I thought, but now I'm being dragged into another fight and my sensitive nerves can't handle that.
"But what if it's true and he's really anorexic? We..."
They continue to discuss heatedly, but I can't listen any longer. My ears are ringing, my blood audibly rushing, and my vision blurs again.

Anorexic.

It's true. They've labeled me. Michael Carter from the Alternative Press didn't lie.

The rumors have labeled me- as an anorexic.

With another deep drag from my cigarette, I pull the hood on my jacket as far up as possible to shield myself from the world and leave this place. Running away has become a habit of mine.