These Demons

Chapter Thirty-two

**I spent quite some time wondering whether I should write down the smut happening or just skip to the next part, but then I was like, hey, why not?
So here you go, hope you'll enjoy my attempt at writing down this sex scene and if not, just skip to the next chapter. But if you do like it, let me know!**

My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest the next second as Zoe guides me down the short hallway to her bedroom, my fingers clamping hers tightly because I'm afraid I'll black out.
Opening the door, she turns around and immediately recognizes the nervous look on my face.
"Hey, we don't have to...," she starts, but I cut her off with my lips on hers because I don't want to hear it.
Yes, I'm scared, but I don't want her to talk me out of doing this with her.
I'm not a virgin who doesn't know how to make this work, and I won't let the insecurities I'm having about my body stop me from finally sleeping with a woman I'm in love with after all this time. 

Then I realize we're still standing in the doorframe, her soft eyes watching me.
"I..." I breathe, looking into them, unable to say anything, but she doesn't wait for me to speak anyway. While I'm still drunk by the proximity of her full lips, she has already inched close enough to press her lips on mine once more, and I melt against them, not even capable of breathing properly with her breath mingling with mine and nothing to separate us but a few thin layers of clothing. Kissing her is the best way to substitute words.
The tenderness we share quickly fades as my hand slips underneath her dress once again, this time with an urge that tells her I don't want to wait anymore, and she understands immediately. 

She breaks away from me, my hand still underneath her clothes, and her smile seems to beg for my trust, and I want to give it to her more than anything.
I know she can see the sparks of fear flickering behind my eyes and the way my whole body is still charged up and tight, but she doesn't seem to mind as she guides me into her bedroom.
Under normal circumstances, I would inspect it and take closer looks because I'd want to know how she lives and sleeps here and what stuff she likes, but the looks she gives me are by far more interesting. 

The light is turned off anyway, the only thing keeping us from total darkness the light in the hallway that makes it possible for both of us to see, but the faint light makes me feel much safer.
Her eyes locked with mine again with an intensity that stops my heart, she climbs into the bed and waits for me to join her.
Sensing my uncertainty, she whispers, her voice so husky that I already feel turned on: "Let me take over, okay?" If we'd met a few years ago, this would have probably insulted my masculinity and make me feel offended, but right now I'm thankful, knowing her guidance will make me feel far less anxious about what she wants and how I'm supposed to act both concerning her wants and my fears because of my body. 

As careful as if I were a fragile child, she takes off my shirt and tosses it on the floor and before I can make an attempt to cover myself, she softly pushes me back into her pillows before Zoe climbs on top of me, her long legs settled gracefully on each side of my body, and she bends forward to kiss me again, her fingers trailing down my chest with every touch of hers full of worship.
When her tongue softly runs across my bottom lip, I feel every part of me tingling, knowing I want all of her now, and my hands slowly trail up each of her naked thighs, glad she's wearing a dress because it doesn't take me long to reach her lace panties.
Her upper body hovered above mine and her lips slowly leaving kisses as they move down from my neck to my bare chest where her hands still are, I dare to let two of my fingers slip beneath the thin fabric and between her legs, and the gasp she makes as a response is an approval for me to go further and gently rub up and down her most sensitive spot.
Zoe's entire body tightens and I can tell how hard it is for her to keep going. The way she reacts to my motions confirms me in my abilities and enables me to feel a lot more secure than I did before, and as I speed up my movements and rub her faster and harder, she can't suppress a moan of hers, the sound of it sexier than anything I've ever heard.
"Oh my god," she whispers, her sultry voice almost a whimper, and as she struggles to keep her balance above me, I take it as a chance to switch spots with her and pull her down beneath me, her naked body displayed for me to admire after I've quickly pulled off her dress over her head and stripped off her underwear. "This is so not going as planned," Zoe whispers with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes before my fingers can return their attention to her lower body.
"Do you want me to stop?" I whisper back, but I already know the answer when I slip my long fingers back inside her soaked core and skillfully move them, hers twirling into my hair and her lips on mine, but she can't really concentrate on the kiss, so I move down below her neck and suck on the sensitive skin, knowing how much I turn her on right now.
Over the course of time, I've almost completely managed to forget just how good it feels for my self-worth to be able to skillfully pleasure somebody else, but now that I do it with Zoe, I'm being reminded of the feeling and it's truly amazing.
After my long time of abstinence from any sexual activities because Juliet didn't want to sleep with me anymore when our relationship went down and I didn't want any other women after our divorce until Zoe, I completely began to associate sex with anxiety due to my self-doubts because of how much of your body you have to show and share in bed, but now that I'm having sex again, I finally realize just how mindblowing it can actually be, even before the act itself.