These Demons

Chapter Forty

"I love you so much," Zoe whispers before pressing her lips onto mine again, and I feel mine curl up in a smile before answering. "I love you too," I whisper back and entwine my fingers with hers.
"I wish we could just stay here forever," I then admit quietly, resting my head on the soft pillows and wishing I could fall asleep again.
"Yeah, me too, but we can't," Zoe sighs and scoots closer under the blankets to run her gentle and warm fingers up and down my exposed chest while lying next to me, her eyes still on mine and filled with more light than I have ever seen before.

"I know... Can't you just go on tour with me?" I request again even though I know the answer already.
"God, I wish I could. But you know that my new boss won't let me," Zoe concedes and slowly traces the outlines of my tattoos, sending warm shivers down my spine.
"Yeah, and I'm happy for you, really, it's just... we don't get to spend enough time with each other anymore," I complain quietly and bring her hand up to my lips to place another kiss on Zoe's hands.
"I know, babe," she acknowledges, "but we have an hour. If you hurry in the shower for once, we can have breakfast together."
"Or we stay in bed for another hour," I offer with a smirk, let go of her hands and slip underneath the covers instead, knowing she's only wearing her thin nightgown.

"I want pancakes," Zoe ruins my plan and I raise my eyebrows at her. 
"And I want you," I remind her with the soft cotton of her clothing in my hands.
"You had me more than once last night," she chuckles, "but the pancakes? Come on, get your lazy ass up." 
I try to grab her waist, but she's out of the bed faster than I can react and leaves me behind groaning because I never want to leave this room again. "You know, we could..."

----

Suddenly, a door slams shut and before I can realize it's not the bedroom door of Zoe's and my apartment, I rip my eyes open.

"Look what the cat dragged in!" Jake exclaims and stumbles backward at the surprise of my very presence at the desk.

A dream. It was just a dream.

"I had no idea you were here!"

How could I ever think it was anything else?

"Look, I left my phone in the other recording room and spent all day looking for it, so when I remembered that it's here, I figured I'd quickly stop by on my way home because I'm lost without that stupid thing."
"Right," I mutter and get up from the chair to stretch my muscles from being in this terrible position for so long, and I almost black out because I'm so shaky on my feet.
"You okay?" Jake asks and comes up to me, but I shake his helping hand off and leave the room to get more coffee.

"Sure. I must have... fallen asleep. Do you know what time it is?" I grumble while rubbing my eyes to adjust to the bright lights I left on all night.
"Somewhere around two or three A.M., I think. How long have you been here?" he questions and follows me to the coffee machine.
"A few hours," I mumble and grab a mug.
"And why?" He watches me with worry and confusion on his face.
"I mean, you knew about the official release party. Everyone was there. Why not you, Andy?"
"Not in the mood, I guess," I simply say without looking at him while watching the brown liquid pour into the cup.
"Not in the mood? Hell, we got our new album out there less than twenty-four hours ago and you look like one of your cats just died! What the fuck, man?"
Jake looks angry, but doesn't dare to act out because that will never make me talk.

"I'm sorry," I lie. I vaguely knew about the party, but going there was the last thing I wanted to do.
"Don't apologize. Tell me what's going on with you instead," he demands as we go back into the recording room and sit down on a couch.
"What do you mean?" I clamp the hot mug with my blueish fingers.
"Let's cut the crap, okay? We've both read what people are saying about you out there."
I feel dizzy again.
"And?" I manage to get out.
"I want the truth." He tries to catch my gaze, but I successfully avoid it.
"The truth?" I repeat with no emotions in my voice and wish I was anywhere but here.
"Yes. We've all been talking about it," Jake tells me and I look up, not able to hide the shock.
"You have?"
"Of course we have! We all care about you! You've been getting worse and worse for months and you won't even talk to anyone! Do you even read the texts we write?"
Is he trying to make me feel guilty?
"Of course," I tell half of the truth he wants.