These Demons

Chapter Fifty-seven

It passes by in a hazy blur of dizziness, a short case of fainting, shaky limbs and a panic attack, but somehow, after what feels like ages, I find myself leaving the monochrome room with the taste of vomit on my tongue, my weight neatly documented although I decided not to look at it.

I regret that now.

"Thanks for your cooperation and it was nice to meet you. Again, I'm really sorry for how chaotic everything is today, but someone will be with you shortly and really take care of you," she promises, soft eyes filled with compassion I don't want to see.

"And until then?" I ask, my tongue still a bit numb, and she guides me back to the front desk. "If you could go back to your luggage, that would be great," she kindly advises and I have to suppress the urge to scoff because I'm tired of waiting. "I'm sorry, really. It's just going to take a moment." If she wasn't so nice, I would tell her what I think about the way new patients are treated here and how terrible the service is, but this isn't her fault, so I swallow my anger and nod. "Okay."

But the need to trash something and start yelling is still there. I'm terrified to my core of what will happen and they let me wait like someone who tries to get a job interview instead of a spot in a mental health facility to save them from their apparently life-threatening disorders. If they actually thought I'm such a serious case, they wouldn't let me wait, I catch myself thinking. 

Everyone here must be sicker than me.

I shouldn't even be here.

I don't belong here.

She doesn't notice. "Thank you. We might meet again and if not, then I hope you'll get what you need here."

"Thanks," is all I say and she waves before storming off to whatever she has on her agenda. "Good luck, Andy."

----

"Mr. Biersack?"

The voice interrupts my thoughts that have been revolving around a very bad e-book I've been reading on my phone, and I stand up on shaky feet. "That's me."

"I am incredibly sorry for letting you wait for so long, but today has been a nightmare. Your impression of our facility must be horrible."

It certainly is, but I'm still afraid and insecure, so I smile it away. "It's... it's fine, really. I got my examination, so..." She nods, clutching the thin folder she's been holding tightly, assumingly my file that they must have just opened.

"Yes, I just saw that. That's at least something, right?" She tries to be nice, but she's a doctor. Naturally, the trust I invest in those is rather limited. "Thank you for cooperating so well. My name is Dr. Gale and I will be your personal counselor. Would you come with me now, please?" Very formal. She's thin too and there is something red and hot in my stomach that makes me want to punch her because she will be the one to try to make me fat while she looks ready to participate in a bikini competition. Can't I have a fat doctor? Fatter than me, at least?

"Will I see the place, too?" I stay quiet about the spinning thoughts in my brain and keep my spoken words down to a neutral level.
"Another thing I must apologize for, right," she remembers and shakes her head sighing while starting to move towards the entrance with the glass doors, turning around to point out she expects me to follow, and I grab my heavy luggage and do so, but she makes a swift move with her hand to make me stop, confusing me. "Only take your hand baggage. The rest will be taken to your room. The staff is informed." 

I don't trust anyone here, especially not with my stuff, but I don't dare to speak up against her and let it go, only grabbing my smaller bag to sling it over my shoulder and follow her while she returns to the topic. "You should have already seen it, but the responsible employees were busy with our... circumstances," she only says, obviously holding back some sort of confidential information, and it both annoys and intrigues me, but that's the way doctors are and I have to suck it up. "I promise you will see everything after our conversation and if not, I will personally do the tour, okay?"