These Demons

Chapter Fifteen

"Mr. Biersack, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure," I numbly reply while stepping off the scale and grabbing my clothes to put them back on my freezing body, leaving my boots for them to store because I'm not even allowed to fucking wear shoes.
Maths have never been my strength, but I am more than sure that 134 means a BMI of 17.2 and that's not even close to where I need to be.
I knew that I'm heavy, but I didn't expect it to be this horrible. I don't know how I'll do it yet, but I swear to myself I'll find a way to reach my stage goal of 130 before I'm out of here.
Everything will be absolutely useless and worthless if that doesn't happen. The last few days were hard, but only a loss of two pounds? It's absolutely unacceptable.

I swallow hard, the number pounding in my head and my eyes burning.

"Are you sure it's okay? If you want to talk-"
"I just want to be alone right now," I cut him off weakly.
"We'll need your blood pressure and heart rate again before the end of today, but I think for now it's okay for you to go," Chad says from his desk. "Tommy, can you take him?" The guy who took my insanely high weight is named Tommy.

"Sure. You'll be shown the rest of the ward later, but I guess it's okay for you to get some time to process everything now." With that, he opens the door again and guides me down another one of the hallways to a small room with a normal lock that's been furnished with a modest wooden bed, nightstand and dresser.
I immediately spot the lack of windows and a small camera in each corner, so high up that I couldn't even reach them if I stepped on the dresser. I'm sure that's not a coincidence.

"Every new patient is being watched during the first night. This does not record any sounds, but every single move of yours. If nothing alarming or worrying happens, you'll get a regular room tomorrow," Tommy explains and once again, I feel deeply uncomfortable.
"Is that necessary? Can't I just..."
"I'm sorry, but it's standard procedure. If you need anything, just come to our staff room. Someone will look after you later otherwise, okay?"
I nod slowly and sit down on the freshly made bed that- like everything here- strongly smells like disinfectant.

Once Tommy has left me, I'm completely and utterly alone with my thoughts and have no idea how to handle them, but there's no one I want to spend my time with either, so I need to figure out a way to cope somehow.
The cameras stare at me like they're accusing me of something, and I wish I could just crawl up underneath the bed and hide from the world forever, but I'm definitely too tall and old for that.
I didn't think I could ever sink this low, but I obviously have. Here I am, in a fucking loony bin, alone and left to lose my mind for real.
It's not even possible for me to turn off the lights and have a little privacy in the dark because the stupid light switches have sensors that can only be controlled by the staff's equipment.

"Fuck," I whisper to myself and bury my face in my hands as I bring my knees up to my chest.
I feel rolls of fat forming as my belly curls like this, but I don't care this time and don't even bring up the strength to cover them or suck them in despite probably being watched. It doesn't fucking matter. Nothing does.
Why am I even here anymore? Why even try to make things right? I don't know.

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My somber brooding is being sharply interrupted by someone bursting into the room without even bothering to knock. Why have manners when you can just be a rude dork?

"You're Andy, right?"