On the Run ~ON HOLD~

Chapter 18 Losing Ourselves

So apparently Octavia had a secret admirer. The grounder man had refused to tell them what the antidote was until Octavia had cut her own arm with the poisoned knife. Then he had been more than willing to jerk his head in the direction of the correct bottle.

Finn was doing much better now. They had administered the antidote to both him and Octavia and they were both doing fine. Finn, of course, was still recovering from his wound and was still unconscious, but at least he had stopped seizing.

Now Thea was heading up the ladder to where the grounder was being held prisoner. Clarke had asked her to tend to the man's wounds while she continued to care for Finn. Thea had agreed only because she couldn't stand the thought of the man continuing to suffer, knowing no one else was going to help him.

Climbing through the hatch and closing it behind her, Thea nervously walked towards the grounder and stood a few feet away.

"Hi," she said softly, "Um, Clarke sent me to take care of your wounds." she walked towards the man with her hand outstretched but he flinched away from her.

"It's okay. I don't know if you can understand me, but I'm not going to hurt you."

The man's face softened slightly at the gentle tone in her voice and he visibly relaxed. Reaching out gently to the hand that had been stabbed clean through with a piece of metal, Thea continued to speak soothingly to the man.

"Alright, I'm gonna have to pull this out. It's gonna hurt," she looked up at his face for conformation.  

He didn't say anything or pull away from her so she gently reached out and took hold of the metal protruding from his bleeding hand. He watched her cautiously as she ripped the metal out as gently as she could.

The grounder flinched but quickly regained his composure and relaxed again.

Thea sighed and slowly began to wipe away the dirt and grime from his hand with a damp towel. He flinched violently however when she wiped the towel over the open wound, jerking his hand away and refusing to let her touch it again.

"Hey," she scolded, "I need to clean it so it doesn't get infected."

The man continued to resist, however and Thea sighed in frustration.

"Here," Octavia came up behind her, gently taking the cloth from her hand, "Let me try."

Thea gave in, letting the other girl take her place and clean the grounder man's wounds. Thea couldn't say she was surprised when the man immediately let Octavia gently wipe away the blood coated on his hand and face.

"This shouldn't have happened," Thea spoke quietly as Octavia continued to wipe away at the blood.

"It wasn't your decision," Octavia responded, "Clarke made the final call. This is on her."

"But I didn't try hard enough to stop it," Thea said, the guilt that had been building inside her finally making its way to the surface. 

"They would've done it anyway," Octavia said angrily. "It's not your fault," she gave the shorter girl a sincere look that let her know that she truly meant what she was saying.

Thea sighed, nodding her head slightly and turning to leave.

"Thea," Octavia stopped her.

Thea turned around, waiting  for the girl to say what was on her mind.

"Thank you," she said, "for trying."

Thea nodded, taking one last glance at the man chained to the wall, before climbing down the ladder to the first level.

Reaching the ground, Thea walked over to an anxious Clarke who was pacing back and forth beside an unconscious Finn.

"Hey, how's he doing? Any change?"

"Not yet," the blonde responded tensely.

As if on cue, Finn began to stir, causing both girls to rush forward to check on him.

Finn opened his eyes, smiling up at Clarke who was the first person he saw.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied.

There was a moment of silence, Thea keeping out of view so as not to disturb their moment.

"Good save," Finn smiled at Clarke.

She smiled, looking over at Thea and then to a sleeping Raven on a makeshift bed across the room.

"Well it wasn't just me."

Finn made eye contact with Thea, nodding his head in thanks and smiling. Thea smiled back, finally allowing herself hope that maybe this would all work out.

Clarke looked over at Raven, "She needs you, Finn."

There was a moment of silence before Clarke called out to the sleeping girl, waking her up and alerting her to the fact that her boyfriend was awake. 

Raven sat up and Clarke slowly backed away, "He's awake," she told the groggy girl, "He was asking for you."

Raven ran over as Clarke walked away, a sad smile on her face and tears building in her eyes. Thea placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she passed by, Clarke only nodding gratefully at her as she walked out of the ship.

Thea watched the couple's reunion for a moment, making disapproving eye contact with Finn. For although she was grateful that he was okay, she didn't approve of the fact that he had broken Clarke's heart and was still leaving Raven in the dark. Thea had come to care about both girls tremendously in their short time on earth. And she didn't want either of them to get hurt more than they already had.

Exiting the dropship, Thea walked over to Bellamy, who was supervising the cleanup of the mess that the storm had left.

"We'll get it cleaned up," he informed her as she reached his side.

"I wish this was our only mess," Thea replied bitterly, walking away from the man with the metal shard that she had pulled from the grounder still clenched in her hand.

"Thea," she felt a hand grab hers, taking the sharp object gently from her hand.

She turned to face him.

"Who we are, and who we need to be to survive," Bellamy began, "are very different things."

Thea said nothing, knowing that he was partially right but also that they had to keep the human part of them intact. The part that allowed them to tell right from wrong, good from bad and human and inhuman.

If they continued down this path, what was to make them any different then the grounders they feared so deeply? What made them different from the criminals that the Ark had assumed them to be?

The answer was simple: nothing. If they didn't constantly remind themselves of who they were before they came to this earth, then who's to say they won't lose themselves completely.