La douleur exquise - The heartbreaking pain of wanting someone you can't have.
"Levi, why can't you love me?" Nicki cried while clutching the sheet on her chest.
Andrew Leviticus Salcedo turned his head at her after zipping his jeans. There's a sympathetic look on his face while looking at his trusted friend. They just had sex, and he said he wants to go.
Levi and Nicki are college buddies. Since first year college, Nicki nurtured her love for Levi. She always have her hopes that Levi will love her back someday. For six long years, she's believing that Levi will be hers.
Levi on the other hand, see her no more than a friend.
"Nicki, what we did was wrong" Levi sighed. "You're my friend and I shouldn't had screwed you. I'm sorry, but this means nothing to me. It's just sex. Plain and simple."
Levi doesn't want to be rude, but it's better than giving her wrong signals. He didn't mean to cross the line. He know he can't love Nicki. He doesn't want to cause further damage.
"But you enjoyed it!" Nicki exclaimed. She's hysterically crying on the bed while she's feeling her world crumbling down. She expected that Levi will love her after she gave him her virginity. She thought that he loves her too, but was afraid to admit his feelings. She assumed that Levi was just afraid to ruin their friendship so he's keeping his feelings all to himself.
Levi massaged the space between his eyes. He's s little bit drunk and sleepy, but he knew that he should get out of there. "I did" he admitted. There's no use of being a hypocrite. There's a boost in his ego knowing that he was Nicki's first. But that's not enough to keep her.
"Look, Nicki. I value you as a friend and as an asset to my company, but we can't be more than that. The sex shouldn't happened, but I admit that I enjoyed it. I know this will make me the biggest jerk, but I want to thank you for giving me your virginity. I can give you expensive gift or promotion as compensation, but that's most I can give as sign of my gratitude. I can't love you just because I had your body" he carefully said.
Nicki rose from the bed, not minding her nakedness. She slowly walked towards Levi.
Levi readied himself for a slap or a punch in the face, but was astonished when Nicki wrapped her arms around him. She cried on his chest.
"I have loved you since the first day, Levi. I was there for you. I was always just a call away" she sobbed.
Levi found himself caressing her bare back. He wants to punch his face for the stupidity he did. He tainted her and he ruined their friendship.
"Wala namang ibang babae, 'di ba? Palagi ka lang busy sa pag-aaral at sa negosyo n'yo. Sa mahabang panahon, ako lang ang babae sa buhay mo? Pero bakit hindi mo ko kayang mahalin?" she cried harder as she clutched the fabric of his shirt.
Levi doesn't know what to do. He messed up, big time.
"Wala ba talaga akong halaga sa'yo? Wala lang ba sa'yo ang nangyari?" she continued.
He wants to say that he loves her to comfort her. He really love her, but as a friend and not more than that. There's nothing romantic between them. He appreciates her, and he treasured her as much as he treasured his brothers. He can say that she's like a sister to him. He has no idea how they ended up in bed.
"Nicki, this shouldn't happened. I am in love with someone else. I'm sorry. Masasaktan ka lang sakin" he said as he caressed her hair.
