My Difficult Life As Louis Tomlinson's Sister

Chapter 32

I looked to Jessica and she looked to me in shock. I couldn't believe what happened in the past 5 minutes. How did they even find out that fast!?

I sat down on my bed and closed my eyes for a second.

"Well, fuck. What did you even do?!" Asked Jessica still shocked.

"I uploaded a video and were smoking in the bathroom." I mumbled and Jessica sighed.

"That sucks." She said and I nodded.

"Do you think they are going to kick me out?" I asked her and she shook her head fast.

"No, they won't kick you out because of that, that only shows that you need even more help." I sighed because I knew she was right, I really needed help but I didn't know if I could stand it.

"Let us go to our fucking dinner then?" Jessica asked and I nodded. We walked to the room and sat down on a table. We ate in silence and sighed here and there, I could feel how much Jessica missed her laxative and vomiting. Well, I can't say that I don't miss it as well but I learned to live a little bit healthier now.

"What would you prefer? Fuck Harry Styles or Tony?" She asked me and looked to a boy who is one of the doctors. He was only a few years older and hot as hell. I blushed as I saw Tony winking to us. I looked fast back to Jessica and swallowed.

"Harry is an asshole... He plays with the girls like other do with cards... I don't think that I will ever see Harry again so I go with the second one." I said and Jessica grinned.

" I can totally understand that." She smirked and we both began to giggle.

One hour earlier (unknown POV)

"Well, I am not stupid! Sure I saw that god damn video." I yelled in my mobile phone, my cigarette was burning in my hands. I let my hand ran through my hair and continued to yell in the phone.

"You can't be serious." I said huskily in my phone. Then my eyebrows raised. That was interesting.

"I am serious. She is in the xxx clinic and I heard her psychologist saying that her brother and a friend of him would visit her without her knowing it." The person on the other end said and I smirked.

"Thank you, darling." I mumbled in my phone and smirked after I hung up. She was my diamond and she saved my life like so many times before...

Back to Liz' POV

Everyone was eating. It was silent and I slowly breathed in and out. Concentrating on my food. It sucks so much to eat. The most therapist don't even know how it feels like. Nobody knows what we go through. It's the hell and I don't think that I can ever be normal. My life will always be like that. I will never be confident about my body. It's just something you can't change. I will never learn to eat like a normal human. It's just how anorexia and bulimia works. It's sad but true.

***

I woke up the next morning by knocking on my door. I noticed that Jessica was already out of our room. I groaned and mumbled they could come in. I was in my pink sports shorts and a white tank top. Scars and fresh wounds were all over my legs and arms. I learned to not cover them. To show how I truly feel inside. Well, it isn't that hard to show your scars and wounds in a clinic,  but still.

The door opened slowly and I sighed. What would they want so early from me and where is Jessica?

"Lizzy?" I heard the all so familiar voice and I couldn't help myself from crying. He was here.

"I think I let you there alone." Three? I couldn't look up, who was the third person? Was is mom? Dad? I heard footsteps and someone sat down on my bed. Fingertips touched my scars on my leg. It was Louis. I heard the other person swallow.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked in the beautiful hazel eyes. It was Zayn. I began to cry more and hugged my pillow. That couldn't be true! That couldn't be happening! Why were they here?!

And what annoyed me the most, I showed again how weak I was. Covered in wounds and scars. Covered in story's, covered in the monster I truly was.

And again I got all the memories back. Everything what hurt me. Everyone who hurt me. Just everything.

How I cried myself in sleep - so many times. How I collapsed on the ground - so many times. How I couldn't control myself anymore - so many times. How I was drunken - so many times. How I took drugs - so many times. How I wished I was another person...so many times.

Nobody took me serious as I laid on the ground and cried. But as I laid on the ground without saying a word, sleeping pills in my hand, everybody took.

I think it's a weird world. You need to be death or trying to die, before people take you serious. And even when you try to commit suicide, it's always given some people who say you just do it because of attention and that is so sad. How can you say that? It's really not cool.

"Lizzy?" He said again and my eyes slowly wandered to his beautiful ocean blue eyes. His eyes were full with worry and I was the course. I was the course for all the pain the people had around me. I was the course that the most important people in my life were unhappy. It's all my fault.

"We should finally talk." Zayn said now and I nodded. Tears streamed down my face, but I couldn't make noises anymore. I felt sorry, so sorry that I ruined their lives...